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stainedecho

Bloomington, IN

Member Since 2005

Followers 147 Following 205

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Wednesday Dec 07, 2005

Dec 7, 2005
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OK, I shall now explain my last post, along with explaining how I look at things in life in general.

I should really edit that last post to an "impermnanent rejection" (I think I just made a word up), she said that she has so much stuff going on in her life at the moment that she didn't have time. She also said she wasn't at a point where she was ready for a more steady/intimate relationship. I understand this cause, well, shit, I was like that for like 2 years after my ex broke up with me. She said she'd definitely let me know when she was ready though. I told her that I hoped it was while I was still around Bloomington. She smiled and said, "We'll see". Weather that last part was a nice way of saying "Never." or not doesn't really matter.

I was prepared for either response before I asked the question. I see this as ultimately a good thing for the both of us. I kind of hate how it is in society where the guy is expected to do all the asking and relationship initiation. I'd totally love for a woman to ask me out, that would be hot. Anyway, it's good that we had that little talk because, now she knows where I am and she doesn't have to guess what my feelings are. Also, it's good for me, cause now I know what her feelings are at the moment, I know they can and possibly will change. I also don't have to drag that huge question around with me, nor do I have to live with the regrets of not asking her later on down the road. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. I also don't have to get stressed out over worrying about her response and make myself sick that way.

Besides, who says she has to fall in love with me? Just cause I love someone doesn't mean they love me back. I never think anything like this is guaranteed. Life isn't like that. Never is, never will be. A lot of people don't realize this. Just like I hope that you guys here on my friends list are here because you like the occasional post I make, or you like me. It's voluntary. I like it like that.

That's not to say that I wasn't crushed. I was. I always think of possibilities before I ask stuff like that. I always prepare for rejection, cause well, frankly I've pretty much always been rejected. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it used to, and I was ready for that answer.

It's always better to hope for the best outcome, yet be prepared for the worst outcome.

It's also always better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all.

Thanks, Mr. Shakespeare.

I hope she gets back with me and says "You know what you said a few weeks ago, now I'm ready to go. smile" If not, I'll understand. Heh, it seems like I always "understand", it kinda sucks, but it's what being a genuinely nice person is about, and most stuff isn't worth "not understanding" and getting pissed about. Misery and stupid drama is caused by shit like that.

Last night, as I was grooving to the XM 80's station at work I found this book on Major World Religions in the bookstore and I read about Hinduism for about a half hour (shhhh, don't tell my boss). It's so fascinating, I'm not gonna join that religion or anything, but I like a few of their outlooks and ideas. I take what I like, and ignore what I don't like. I'm not much for following religion, but I like how they portray their gods. I love all the cultural history and stuff involving the gods of different religions. It's why I've liked Greek Mythology since I was a little kid. I was, and still am always fascinated by a good story. Plus, Ganesha's really interesting. Maybe I should get a Ganesha tattoo. Bring me some good fortune, damnit. smile

Whew. Quite an entry I have here. Umm, that's all for now.. uhh put all that in your pipe and smoke on it for awhile. Let me know what you think. You're all such bright and sophisticated people. Thanks for reading. kiss love ARRR!!!

-Nate

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