I fully support any holiday that gives reason for well-endowed ladies to dress in ways that make my pants fire across the room as if possessed by some evil spirit. But I hate trick or treaters for taking the candy that's rightfully mine. Maybe I'll just give them a scoop of Tide or a two second squirt of store brand catsup. Yes, catsup. Not ketchup.... Read More
This sounds really good. I stumbled upon it by accident while totally doing what a fat guy does. Looking at internet food porn.
In the remote mountains of Georgia, the star ingredient of this bread called khachapuri_akin to pizza_is the firm but creamy salted cow's-milk cheese called sulguni. A blend of Havarti and mozzarella will give you a similar velvety texture. View more of our... Read More
I visited the King the other day and couldn't help but wonder if you could be prodded into a review on that Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse burger. It is 100% angus beef, they say.
I'd like a hug, some nachos, and the will to get up in the morning.
In other news, I love getting chinese food from the grocery store down the street. It's so good, but the guy serving it up is kind of creepy. I picture him in his off time smoking cigarettes in a dirty wifebeater while he officiates illegal backalley streetfights.
My mother really took a shine to Seymour as well and felt Enid was an imbecile for ditching what she thought was a perfectly good man "who even cuddled!" I never even noticed that.
I relate to Seymour too. Esp when he mocked himself for "collecting stupid shit because I can't relate to people."
I passed a young man on campus today who stared at me the whole time. Then about a block later he came back up from behind me and stopped me and told me he wanted to pray for me. This isn't the first time it's happened to me. When you look like a weirdo people treat you like one. Luckily, I cast magic missile in... Read More
Shenanigans were afoot this weekend from the combo of shirt_weiner and the PDX crew. There was some manhandling and hug-boners galore. Also, weird english food that made me fart in BabyBlue and EnergyChannel's house. Sorry guys.
If you've tried to call me from Sept. 30 to now, I probably didn't get it or any message. New number to come thanks to a massive Tracfone fuckup. Asses.
Oh I wish I was a little English sparrow
ENGLISH SPARROW!
Oh I wish I was a little English sparrow
ENGLISH SPARROW!
I would sit upon the steeple
and go *pffftht* on all the people
Oh I wish I was a little English sparrow
Yeah I'm fucking weird. That's probably why I wander the earth alone. Just like the Incredible Hulk.
As my second week of college classes come to an end I'd like to announce that my awkwardness around all the kids is starting to dissipate. Generally we have nothing in common. They like shitty music, have crap taste in movies, and they don't remember the grunge era. But finally after a little conversation I've found a unique and interesting bridge to this generational gap.... Read More
What if that were true, that we literally were bound together by dickfart jokes? Some of us would just be parts of huge gluey balls of people, rolling around laughing and crushing shit. Like katamari damacy.
J/K me and the big dude have an understanding. He/She minds their business and I take care of mine! 
