shachia

Comings and goings are far too common. There is always too little staying. Too little being.

An eggshell wraps around me, protecting me while I curl up in the fetal position. The rest of the world burns away and at last I am born like the phoenix ascendant.

All I want is for someone to tell me everything is ok for a little while. To...
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I want to taste from action and non-ado simultaneously. I want to bathe in living, breathing, pulsing flesh. And I want to play the part of the monk. If I journey the path of flesh for a while, do I cease to be a monk? Can I be holy, devout and pure, and lose myself in a figmentary reality, emotions, feeling and desires.

Where is...
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Velvet. Soft things. Tendernesses exchanged remain in my memories.

One moment or one hundred. They remain with me, locked away for my joy alone.

Currents toss me about, to and fro. My compass spins without stopping. I have no direction, no guidance, no need. The pull of waters guides me past rocks, through rivers, beyond lakes, out to the open sea. And then on the ocean, night falls, and I see the sun set along a horizon stretching to infinity.

Where are all the other people in this world....
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Soft breaths entwined.

I feel like I've finally met a piece of the Sophia.

Joy has never known a grander boundary in my heart.

My passion is enflamed. I am completely consumed.

How I would like to discard this flesh and be accepting and loving all at once. Great arms of pure love entwining myself around another.

Being, Time, all is consumed by Nothingness. Soft,...
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Hm. i update today because i will be away now for about 3 weeks with only sporadic internet access.

Thoughts from today. I love driving. Especially at night on long stretches of highway. Just me and the radio. It's so incredibly peaceful, and I can sing along to the radio without anyone being able to tell. teehee.

College loans are evil. So very evil. I...
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Thinking about life now.

Passion pleases me. Letting life like water, fill me to the brim with sensations and emotions. Letting my cells saturate with pure raw primal-ness.

Sadly, after 2? 3? weeks of trying for passion I have found that the search for passion displeases me. The pursuit itself fills me with a great sense of revulsion.

The feeling of desire for a woman,...
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Away: I'm off to western Massachusetts for 3.5 weeks to help run dining for the Tanglewood Music program. Woohoo. I don't think I'll have internet access during that time.

Ah well.

hugs

I want a kitty. Really bad. Cats are the one remaining bit of hope I have, that maybe, the universe has some small bit of joy left in it.

Also, there is no end to my boredom. My roommate will not leave the house unless it is with his girlfriend. My other friends all live in NH, and are not typically available. Damn this world....
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I'm reading Astronomy magazine now. It makes me stop and ponder. Scientific method has indicated the age of our

universe is 13-14 billion years. That's incredibly old, but the universe will continue on for billions more years

than even that. Solar masses will cool, energy dissipate into the vast expanse, and eventually the entire universe

will essentially be "dead" to complete chaos.

And for a...
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