3

the more i

read the more i

withdraw the more i

want to curl tighter into myself,

like a pangolin defensively coiling and waiting until the threat dissipates, or disappears....

i want to move away from me

to somewhere remote, maybe

uncharted, and cut myself

off.

i'm exhausted from this exercise in futility

this famously fatal

inescapability, this twisting and

turning, swirling and circling
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0

i used to want to travel. i used to think i would someday live the life of anthony bourdain, visiting distant countries, eating spectacular food, and meeting fascinating people. then life happened. depression happened. hospitalizations, crippling debt, and a lost sense of self-worth have lead me to a place where i only leave my small apartment for work and when my family/friends force me
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1

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

0

watching this show. yeah... this seems like a good idea...

2

"there's only one person that gets to be sickened by me... and that's me"

0

my mom used to talk to me after she died. she doesn't anymore. or, she hasn't in so long i can't remember the last time. i miss her. my brain uses the opportunity to whisper in my ear that her silence is judgement. i've got no reason to disbelieve that. i've been alive more years without her than i had...
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since i refuse to be with anyone, i think this quote speaks volumes...

chella:
This is one of my favorite quotes, I wholeheartedly agree with that one.
rw3:
yeah, i was watching the perks of being a wallflower and it reminded me of how i feel when i hear it
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i'm fed up with being poked and prodded, scanned and surveyed. i'm grateful for having a steady job that pays well and offers health insurance, i really am. after a year, i finally got myself out to use the insurance and went to doctors to get things checked out and updated. i'm tired of it now. when you pull the curtain back...
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ok, so i get to work from home every now and again. usually i put itunes on shuffle and work my day away with the music in the background. for the past couple of weeks though i have taken to having the tv on as my background noise. i try to keep it on shows that i like listening to but that i don't...
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abadon:
thank you so much babe!!!!
1
it's not that i don't want to hang out with you.

i do.

i think you know this and i think you understand, too. i know it would probably do me some good to go out and do something.

anything.

and i've thought of calling you or sending a text to ask if you are busy or if you want to get...
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jungla:
thanks for your love, u are so sweet, besos smile
rw3:
i love your pictures!