Came home tonight to a dark empty house and felt saddened by this. I do enjoy my alone time and when ever people are around i seem to push them away, yet when I am alone I am sad. what does this say about me? it seems to tell me that I am happy being sad.. But why? I hate being sad And i hate being alone? A admit there were times I loved being around people, but inevitably i have managed to drive them off.
I realize so much more about the things I have done to cause my situation but have very few answers of getting out of it. I have dated about 6 or 7 different women but it is just retarded. I do not seem to connect with them. I am used to a different type of attitude than what I have been shown lately. I feel this complete lack of respect off these people as if because i have a dick I am only looking to fuck and I have nothing because my wallet isn't filled with cash and credit cards with outrageous limits. I feel as though because i cannot buy a brand new car or a huge house way up in the hills I am not worthy of their time. I wish people felt life was more than just material possesions, I wish people felt life was about love and happiness, i wish shit was just different and the masks would come off long enough for me to know who is real and what is an illusion. I guess in a way I wish for something i already had-- A beautiful women that just swept me off my feet. Unfortunately life deals the right cards at the wrong time, I am not entirely sure how truthful this last girl i was with was but i do know that i fucked up cuz i was hurt by another. I do feel, that if she was 100% honest with the things she felt for me and the things she told me then we could have come to an understanding. Things did not have to turn out the way they did so it makes me wonder how many of the things, my ex told me, were true and how much was just words.
Anyway things are slow going and kind of lonesome. besides that things are going as well as they could be with my current loss of faith in the female gender. But seriously ladies if that IS all you think about that is rather shallow If it isn't please introduce yourselves!!
I realize so much more about the things I have done to cause my situation but have very few answers of getting out of it. I have dated about 6 or 7 different women but it is just retarded. I do not seem to connect with them. I am used to a different type of attitude than what I have been shown lately. I feel this complete lack of respect off these people as if because i have a dick I am only looking to fuck and I have nothing because my wallet isn't filled with cash and credit cards with outrageous limits. I feel as though because i cannot buy a brand new car or a huge house way up in the hills I am not worthy of their time. I wish people felt life was more than just material possesions, I wish people felt life was about love and happiness, i wish shit was just different and the masks would come off long enough for me to know who is real and what is an illusion. I guess in a way I wish for something i already had-- A beautiful women that just swept me off my feet. Unfortunately life deals the right cards at the wrong time, I am not entirely sure how truthful this last girl i was with was but i do know that i fucked up cuz i was hurt by another. I do feel, that if she was 100% honest with the things she felt for me and the things she told me then we could have come to an understanding. Things did not have to turn out the way they did so it makes me wonder how many of the things, my ex told me, were true and how much was just words.
Anyway things are slow going and kind of lonesome. besides that things are going as well as they could be with my current loss of faith in the female gender. But seriously ladies if that IS all you think about that is rather shallow If it isn't please introduce yourselves!!