pudding

you know that scene in just about every action movie where the car plunges into the lake, river, ocean, or other body of water and how in the middle of the hero trying to remove his or herself from the drowning vehicle there is that moment of silence when they realize that they might not get out and the music softens and the light shines beautifully through the water and things are peaceful, but with a hint of sorrow and terror, yeah, that is what i feel like. stuck in that moment with the beautiful light shining through the water, wondering why my body feels so heavy all of a suden and why my breath catches in my throat all the time, and trying very hard not to scream.