pudding

twenty-one years old and on the verge of greatness, but aren't we all. i have thoughts like that and then immediately downplay them like they are nothing. got my hair cut so i could have a faux hawk. it looks cute when i spike it up and a little retarded when i don't. what can you do. i have friends now, isn't that just the craziest shit? i don't feel like a leper anymore. well, only half as much as i did to start with. tomorrow i plan on buying jeans for the first time since i've lost the weight. saw a opossum a few days ago, she was a sign of serious chaotic hilarity. god damn i love opossums. when i envision the opossum that ran out in front of my car i see it wearing a tutu. that's a bit weird. i am hardcore kinds of excited about new year's, which i won't be spending alone this year. middle finger. it seems like eighty percent of building a new life is looking back and realizing what wrecked the old one and trying to find out what you want to keep and what you want to throw away. more and more i'm figuring out that what was wrong isn't my attitude and personality so much as it was trying to force myself to be something that i'm not. people like me when i am completely myself even when i fuck up. for a long time i have been scared to fuck up but it is looking like that is the only way i am going to get anywhere. i just have to fuck up and start over.