Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

pubert

Milwaukee

Member Since 2005

Followers 0 Following 0

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Sunday Nov 13, 2005

Nov 13, 2005
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Durning a heart wrenching phone call (which was rudely interupted and ended abrubptly,) i came to a major epiphany. All my life i've had wierd relationship with learning. Things most people don't pick up on right away, i get in a heart beat. Simple, mundane, rudimentary things anyone would grasp i somehow don't get till hours (or this case months) after. However thats not what this is about. I reflected on my relationship with that little girl. I flashed to several moments i conducted myself in an abusive manner (physically threatning, grimacing, angry, mean, bottom line abusive). I reflected on my own life. My intent to be the father she never had was noble, but how i tried to superimpose myself upon her so quickly without warning caused that little girl more pain than shes ever felt. In truth, i now realize i am an abusive person. I've just been lying to myself.

I am not a man, i am a little boy. A mean, angry selfish little boy crying about not getting what he wants. This will change. I made a blood oath to myself, that i will become the man she needs. I am not my father. I will not be my father. I will learn from him, buti will not become him. And although I'm making myself into something for someone else, in reality i'm not. I'm begging to realize part of the reason i've hated myself for so long is that i hate what and who i am. NO MORE.

I want to be in that little girls life only for the selfish reason of hearing her forgiveness. I know that if a miricle was to occur i could win a toddler over, but thats not the case. I can not repair the damage i've caused. But i will pay pennets, and redeam myself. I'll do a bit of chairity for the U.S. Marine core. I think if maybe i can save a life or two at the cost of my own, maybe i'll make up for the damge i've done but thats still not enough. I swear i'm going to make a difference in this world, i don't care that means i only help one other person, but god damnit i will not let myself go down this path.

(and maybe after that i'll get a couple of mice, put little sweaters on them, teach um to talk and sew and help with chores, a couple of glass slippers, a fairy god mother...and you get where i'm going with this right?)

More Blogs

  • 08.20.05
    0

    Saturday Aug 20, 2005

    Out look grim.....
  • 08.20.05
    0

    Saturday Aug 20, 2005

    Man i look so un heathly. I mean i'm not eating as much, sure as hell…
  • 08.19.05
    0

    Saturday Aug 20, 2005

    Grandpa's on the hobby horse again...look out.
  • 08.19.05
    0

    Friday Aug 19, 2005

    I never wanna be the guy who made her cry. I did that tuesday. I did …
  • 08.19.05
    1

    Friday Aug 19, 2005

    The last thing i need right now is a weekend with parents on a weeken…
  • 08.19.05
    0

    Friday Aug 19, 2005

    I wonder if she even misses me at this point....judges consenus "NO!"
  • 08.18.05
    0

    Thursday Aug 18, 2005

    Its my day off.....hehh i went running twice. My goal for the summer …
  • 08.18.05
    0

    Thursday Aug 18, 2005

    If i can make it till tuesday. Maybe i can talk them into supervised …
  • 08.18.05
    0

    Thursday Aug 18, 2005

    I am a fucking monster
  • 08.17.05
    0

    Wednesday Aug 17, 2005

    We all live in the hell we create

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
20
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,613 followers
  • 14,946,853 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,458,366 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo