pubert

I am a fucking monster

We all live in the hell we create

I wanna call her and make believe everything can go back to normal. I deleted her phone number to avoid temptation of pushing her away by calling repeatidly. I'm keeping my word of not harassing her talking to her going over there till I hear from the C.A. Tuesday and weather or not i can go over there. I don't care if its supervised visits...
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I'm crying uncontrolably and shivering in an 90degree apartment over what i did to that little girl. Everyone who hits someone at one point swears they'll never again...unfortinatly the majority of which never mean it. I can't afford to lose that little girl. I've reasoned it out in my head in that her mom will probly never want me back in her life to my...
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I am horrified at what i've done. I left bruises on a 2 and half year old girls bottom, severe horrifiying cringing bruises cause i am nothing more than a frightend little boy. All my life i've failed to see what others saw in me. Resently i've become aware that there are qulities there worth while. I saw it in the way I interacted with...
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No ciggarettes and no drugs make chris a dull boy. Its offical ever so loving girlfriend has made it clear to me. NO more drugs. No purchasing smelling smoking touching of the ganga. NO drugs period. No vitiamins E or A. I can still drink but i hate drinking. I hate liquor, i like beer in moderation. Unfortinatly i don't see a point to being...
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I said it, i love her, and she loves me back. At this moment everything is wonderful, and it gets even better when shes around

Smashing out a window cause your dumbass got evicted by no one elses fault other than your own is just plain petty, stop blaming others for your mistakes and fuck ups. Maybe you should've paid your bills rather than buy a new cell phone and fucking anything that says yes. Cause the likely hood of that occuring is so few and far between why not...
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I wanna tell them both something. Its a big thing. But i swore to myself i wouldn't do it till she was ready to hear it.

God damn i had fun yesterday. I should do that every tuesday. Hmm...this requires some posssible looking into

My baby sitting adventure is underway. We are currently watching dora. Its kinda boring i'm reading comics stalling before a much needed shower. We're gonna go to park if the rain ain't to bad. I might make her put one of my hoodies on. I don't want her to catch a cold. God this parenting stuff is fun. If only she was a bit more...
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So i think my dad would make a great grandfather if it ever came down to it. Beatings aside (most of which warnted some disapline but not the verbal abuse) he was a great dad. I think i learned from one of the best.

i haven't seen my friends in forever. I miss them a lot. Tommorow i'm spending the day with baby its gonna...
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