Its hard to figure out what I am feeling right now. I feel frustrated and lost in myself and I don't know what to do.
I am not the kind of person to complain it feel like my life is better or worse than anyone else. I tend to keep alot private because, in all honesty, who really cares? Virtually no one has any real investment in my life, as in is fully intimate in my challenges and successes, my wins or my failures.
I am not going to complain about my frustrations, because that's all they really are, my own perceived frustration and many more have things going on that are worse. I don't think any really want to hear them anyway.
By I find that I don't have much passion for what I use to live. Like hockey for instance. I am sitting in the parking lot of the rink 2 hours before pick up. Years ago, this was my norm. I loved the rink. The chill in the air, the smell of the ice, the people I played with and against. I have missed the last 3 weeks of hockey because I just had no passion to go. And I sit here still wondering why I am here.
I have not read much this year. Two years ago, I read 22 books in one year. This year, I may have read 4 , maybe. Even though I still buy books sometimes 2 or 3 at a time.
I sleep more and more. My days off work seem more like shut myself away and lay in bed with my pup and sleep. Last night I fell asleep around 7pm and woke at 7am, took my pup out and fought to not go back to bed.
How did I lose my love if life? I use to never be home. I worked 70 to 80 hours a week, played hockey 3 times a week, was always out, slept 4 hours a night, and like forward to the next activity. Now? I can't focus.
The parking lot is filling up and the boys are all smiles and waving, maybe happy to see me. But I don't know if I can get out of the truck and play.
