Ok. It' been a hell of two weeks at work and today brought not only Devour Indy to a close, but a bit of levity and awkwardness to what has been a busy event.
I had to use the restroom and in our restaurant, the restrooms are unisex.i walked out to the area and walked past the first, the second, the third all occupied with the fourth saying vacant. Happy I don't pee my shoe I walk in. Sitting there is a female customer doing her business! Embarrassed, I averted my eyes, apologised, and backed out shutting the door. I waited about 15 minutes m, enough time for everyone to do their business and to allow an embarrssed woman find her way out and away.
Again I tried to use the bathroom. Door one, occupied! Door two, occupied! I can see door four as I go down the hall and it says vacant, but I don'ttrust it. It' lied before! Door three, vacant! I walk in after knocking just to be sure. As the door closes behind me, the woman customer bursts in. She backs the door shut and looks at me. I don' know what to do.
Now this could go about a dozen different ways. But I don' have a bushy full mustache nor an 80's afro so that eliminates bout 2/3 of the scenarios. I can' come up with anything clever beside " hello?" She looks at me and blushes and says " I had to find you again and tell you that when you walked in on me, I was already thinking about you." Again, no mustache, no 80's fro, not even a pizza box or prison guard uniform for me. Just wonderment. And I think I feel a fro growing. She looks me up and down and says" I know this is weird, but I saw you in the kitchen and thought you were hot."
I thought briefly about checking her breath for alcohol as she must clearly be drunk to think of me as hot. But I said " thank you. That's a very high compliment. I am touched." She backed into the door and reached for the knob when she said " you could be."
This shit happens to other people. Guys who are good looking. Full heads of hair. Cocks you can spin plates on or play horseshoes with. Not bald skinny knuckleheads like me. She blushed again and apologised and went to leave. Then stopped, turned, looked me strait in the eye and asked " what does that feel like?" " the compliment?" I asked. " no. To stand and pee."
WTF!!! Did you seriously ask me what it felt like to pee!?! What the fuck were you doing when I walked in on You? Calculus??? Knitting booties for prison inmates??? Just airing out the goodies??? You feel mellow. Happy even. The only advantage to standing is better accuracy and writing snow haikus.
Maybe next time I will just pee my shoe.
