Only you can make you happy. Happiness starts with you. No one can make you happy but you.
This is all a cop out. In a sense, you must be happy with your self. Yes that is true. And I am happy with me. I love to cook. I love to read. I work hard. I give as generously as I can to everyone I meet. I walk the walk and try my best to not be hypocritical in my life. I live by virtue. I live as honest to myself as i can and I am the most critical when I fall short. I live to make my grandmother, who passed away in 2004, proud of me.
But I need human connection. I won' deny that. I need someone to believe in me. Someone who wants to be there and experience life with. And somehow I fuck it up at every turn. I work to much. I have zero family life since my grandmother died. I have seen my father once since 2004. I have seen my sister 3 times since then as well. My mother' side of the family? I should be dead to them and vice versa.
How am No so damaged that I can be alone in a crowded room? How can I be so broken that people will be completely different around me than others? Around others they are happy and chatty, carefree even. They get alone with me and somehow life is the seventh level of hell.
The catalyst of this has got to be me. What is it ab out me that brings out the worst in people? Why am I such a cancer to everyone I meet?
