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pointman11

Indianapolis, Indiana

Member Since 2008

Followers 884 Following 5095

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The biggest lie I ever told

May 25, 2017
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This is an interesting subject. The biggest lie I have ever told has been to myself. I told myself that I was worth of love, and that was a lie. I told myself that she loved me( many she's in fact) and that was a lie. I told myself that I could look past many transgressions and continue relationships with family or with a lover, and that was a lie. Many times I felt that things would get better if I only loved enough, had enough patience, accepted what I was given. In truth, that is not good for anyone. A stone sober person cannot have a relationship with an alcoholic. A stone sober person cannot hold on to someone who choses heroin, meth, or coke over everything else in life.

The biggest and most damning lies we tell are to ourselves. I am proof of that.

I told myself that my mother loved her son. In truth, I was an anchor in her life. I was a status symbol. I was the result of someone going through the motions of what society dictates.

I was never meant to be more than a shoulder to cry on, a tool to be pulled out when there was a need. And it's taken a long long time for myself to come to terms with that. So many people have shown me my true worth to them. My mother painting the broadest strokes of all.

The moral of this is that lying to yourself is also the hardest to forgive. People make mistakes in life and can learn from them. Then you accept and move on. When you lie to yourself, the damage is worse because there is not place you can escape when your soul is raw.

melusine2908:
This was really deep and saddening to hear, I think that you are right; the biggest lies we tell are to ourselves. But I also believe everyone is worthy of love, no matter their addictions or issues, we are all broken and most addictions are proof of how having no one to care or love us can do. I hope you find people who show you real love and that you can get past all of your issues, because if no one can give you the love you deserve, I hope YOU do, I hope that against everything you find love for yourself and show it. 
May 25, 2017
user8992:
The hardest thing to do is love yourself and see your value  (I struggle daily) further to that it's then difficult to find proper healthy love however I believe people can love you even if they don't show it or you might not realize because of the way they show you. I have often felt like a burden to many, my parents and exs mainly) but now I see the personal struggles they have been facing (past and present ) they love me incredibly but are so tied up in their own suffering it's hard to love me how I've needed. I see this too that my own struggles prevent my being able to be here for others and you. It's not because I wanted to or love you or others any less.  It's because I'm not loving myself enough to feel better. I forgot my value and my happiness do its hard to be there for others.  You are an incredibly wonderful soul J. Don't ever forget that! 💚
Jun 2, 2017

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