okay, i've actually got something better to write about than what i was doing yesterday. i've got a neighbor who shall remain nameless and who is generally a very level-headed, rational person. he's pretty good at cutting through bullshit. except his own. and i pissed him off tonight because i "wasn't helping" when he was describing his "problems" to me.
i've got this pet theory i've been incubating regarding what i like to call the Culture of Mope. Amongst us college-educated white folk there is a hilarious high occurence of rumination over what i term "pointless shit". i designate pointless shit from "actual problems", which generally boil down to health and/or economic issues. pointless shit includes all the things that those of us who have it pretty good are wrongly convinced are actual problems, mostly because we a)like to mope and b)feel more important with a "problem". I suspect the roots of this current incarnation of the Culture of Mope are the combination of the identity politics of the nineties, where one's life was validated based on how oppressed they were, and the general security of an affluent background provided by being born into an upper-middle class family absorbing the spoils of the boom years. my theory is when one is convinced one should have some sort of problem to achieve authenticity as an individual, and one lack actual problems, one starts listening to a lot of dashboard confessional. or cutting themselves. or posting on pro-ana forums. or just all-around navel-gazing.
my neighbor was so in the thrall of whining out loud tonight that he was enraged by my hard-nosed but true suggestion to either do something about it or quit "bitching". he said that he didn't care about anything and lived his life without enjoyment and didn't care about people and wasn't interested in anything. i suggested he kill himself. he got kind of offended, as i'm sure most people would be. but seriously, what does complaining that life doesn't interest you solve? does feeling bad for yourself make it more interesting? will it be great fodder for you memoirs? is anyone helped by it?
despite hating conservatives, i've found myself a pretty strong advocate of "responsibility" lately, in the existentialist sense of the word. essentially, i feel like an individual should take responsibility for their circumstances, which i admit is still a pretty vague term. one should accept that one's life is basically the way one wants it to be. if there's a problem, one should try to rectify it, or come to terms with it and move on. there is no room in this system for moping. in my neighbor's case, he has chosen to ignore everything he has going for him (i.e. he's a likeable and charismatic person, he's not living out of a station wagon, he's going to a good school and getting a good education, the tab for which his parents are generously picking up) and instead focuses on the pointless shit he perceives to be his spiritual prison, or similar melodramatic term. in my opinion, if he thinks his life is so joyless and is bothered by it, he should try and find something he's passionate about to liven things up, or quit bitching about it. and if he can't find anything that brightens things up, maybe he should do himself a favor and blow his brains out. suicide is a small-minded and selfish solution to any problem, but shit, if life bothers you that much, NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU.
so in essence i refuse to coddle friends who feel the need to mope over pointless shit, and especially those who complain rather than try to improve their situations. i have no sympathy because i try to hold myself to this standard, and by and large i'm fairly successful at it. and my life is pretty good...i realize how many opportunities i have been given and i don't convince myself i have a reason to be unhappy, because i don't. my neighbor is, i think, a stronger person than i am, and i am thoroughly puzzled as to why he doesn't just get the fuck over it.
(additionally, i understand there's a bit of a paradox in me venting this onto SG, but i don't really consider it complaining so much as an opportunity to illustrate one mode of my thinking with relevant example. the culture of mope theory has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now and it's nice to finally commit it to writing in a...mostly...coherent fashion)
i've got this pet theory i've been incubating regarding what i like to call the Culture of Mope. Amongst us college-educated white folk there is a hilarious high occurence of rumination over what i term "pointless shit". i designate pointless shit from "actual problems", which generally boil down to health and/or economic issues. pointless shit includes all the things that those of us who have it pretty good are wrongly convinced are actual problems, mostly because we a)like to mope and b)feel more important with a "problem". I suspect the roots of this current incarnation of the Culture of Mope are the combination of the identity politics of the nineties, where one's life was validated based on how oppressed they were, and the general security of an affluent background provided by being born into an upper-middle class family absorbing the spoils of the boom years. my theory is when one is convinced one should have some sort of problem to achieve authenticity as an individual, and one lack actual problems, one starts listening to a lot of dashboard confessional. or cutting themselves. or posting on pro-ana forums. or just all-around navel-gazing.
my neighbor was so in the thrall of whining out loud tonight that he was enraged by my hard-nosed but true suggestion to either do something about it or quit "bitching". he said that he didn't care about anything and lived his life without enjoyment and didn't care about people and wasn't interested in anything. i suggested he kill himself. he got kind of offended, as i'm sure most people would be. but seriously, what does complaining that life doesn't interest you solve? does feeling bad for yourself make it more interesting? will it be great fodder for you memoirs? is anyone helped by it?
despite hating conservatives, i've found myself a pretty strong advocate of "responsibility" lately, in the existentialist sense of the word. essentially, i feel like an individual should take responsibility for their circumstances, which i admit is still a pretty vague term. one should accept that one's life is basically the way one wants it to be. if there's a problem, one should try to rectify it, or come to terms with it and move on. there is no room in this system for moping. in my neighbor's case, he has chosen to ignore everything he has going for him (i.e. he's a likeable and charismatic person, he's not living out of a station wagon, he's going to a good school and getting a good education, the tab for which his parents are generously picking up) and instead focuses on the pointless shit he perceives to be his spiritual prison, or similar melodramatic term. in my opinion, if he thinks his life is so joyless and is bothered by it, he should try and find something he's passionate about to liven things up, or quit bitching about it. and if he can't find anything that brightens things up, maybe he should do himself a favor and blow his brains out. suicide is a small-minded and selfish solution to any problem, but shit, if life bothers you that much, NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU.
so in essence i refuse to coddle friends who feel the need to mope over pointless shit, and especially those who complain rather than try to improve their situations. i have no sympathy because i try to hold myself to this standard, and by and large i'm fairly successful at it. and my life is pretty good...i realize how many opportunities i have been given and i don't convince myself i have a reason to be unhappy, because i don't. my neighbor is, i think, a stronger person than i am, and i am thoroughly puzzled as to why he doesn't just get the fuck over it.
(additionally, i understand there's a bit of a paradox in me venting this onto SG, but i don't really consider it complaining so much as an opportunity to illustrate one mode of my thinking with relevant example. the culture of mope theory has been rolling around in my head for a few weeks now and it's nice to finally commit it to writing in a...mostly...coherent fashion)
Yes, I would agree that when people have privilege (like this person you refer to) they should think seriously before moping. HOWEVER, being that white, upper-middle class people have quite a set of expectations placed on them from society and their relatives, that pressure could definitely be a burden. I'm not saying it's an excuse, but the fact that many of these people have lived their whole lives without emotional attachments and without actually FEELING feelings (this is mainly class-based), they can easily feel confused and pissed off when they actually move out of their house and see that other people are not like them. They've been taught that happiness comes through having "stuff" - being able to afford college, a car, nice clothes, etc. That was their reality for so long and then they get to college and see that not everyone has that or defines their happiness that way and they sort of freak out. So... I agree with your culture of mope, but I don't think it's a problem with the individual. I think it's a problem with society and the way we've defined happiness and how to obtain it. I think that your friend could become less mopey if he would redefine what happiness is and work on realizing his happiness - because, clearly, his current definition that happiness comes through the financial ability to have/do things is lacking for him - he's not fucking happy. Maybe he should do some kind of community service or volunteer work.
This is way too long of a comment at this time of morning when I'm supposed to be writing a lecture... hehe. sorry.
[Edited on Oct 12, 2005 7:49AM]