It is not the grief of the past
that weighs me down
but the pain of the present.
It is not sorrow at the loss
of what once was
but the fear
of where I am headed
They say self destruction
is an artform.
I disagree.
I have boiled, cured, and distilled it
concentrated into a
raw
pure
cold
methodical science
Mental masochism
bears no...
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that weighs me down
but the pain of the present.
It is not sorrow at the loss
of what once was
but the fear
of where I am headed
They say self destruction
is an artform.
I disagree.
I have boiled, cured, and distilled it
concentrated into a
raw
pure
cold
methodical science
Mental masochism
bears no...
Read More
robotsatemyhair:
This is beautiful.
The rut is finally in full effect. The white-tailed ghost that had only shown up in fleeting night-time images since he was still in velvet has finally made a daytime appearance. The reclusive and nocturnal nature of this magnificent beast has been disregarded for the annual sex-crazed stupidity. But that's okay because (if I do say so myself) it makes for a damn great photo.
robotsatemyhair:
He looks surprised.
Like, "WHOA THERE! Did someone just take my picture?"
Like, "WHOA THERE! Did someone just take my picture?"
robotsatemyhair:
Wow. That's some intense Thanksgiving.
My favourite Thanksgiving memory was the year my mom let me cook the entire dinner myself when I was in high school and we just spent the holiday together. Just the two of us.
My favourite Thanksgiving memory was the year my mom let me cook the entire dinner myself when I was in high school and we just spent the holiday together. Just the two of us.
Edited again to simply say I haven't had any significant alone time in weeks, but when I hit a quiet moment my minds been bubbling over with more thoughts than I can keep up with. Somehow, though, out of all of the noise, two poems have been generated. These are the first two I've written in over two years, and, combined with that last one,...
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robotsatemyhair:
Doesn't it feel good when creativity happens?
I've voted every year for the last thirteen. Today was the first time I had to stand in line. Granted, two of the last four presidential elections I voted by absentee from overseas deployment, but still. In my quiet, rural, small hometown, I've grown accustomed to walking in, showing an id, grabbing a ballot and walking right to the booth. Today, I stood in line...
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laceyk:
Those are awesome!
robotsatemyhair:
Neato!
.GAH!
Me: I can't wait until we get the house done and get moved in. I'm looking forward to being able to learn to finally use my airbrush.
Her: *quizzical look* You have an airbrush?
Me: Yeah. Dick (my late granddad) gave it to me in high school. I've carried it around for years and haven't had the time and space to actually start using...
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Me: I can't wait until we get the house done and get moved in. I'm looking forward to being able to learn to finally use my airbrush.
Her: *quizzical look* You have an airbrush?
Me: Yeah. Dick (my late granddad) gave it to me in high school. I've carried it around for years and haven't had the time and space to actually start using...
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laceyk:
I kinda don't even know what to say.
Relationships are partnerships.
Of course the intial thought would be tell her to sell her shit, but that would just be childish.
Is there a reason why she is so focused on herself lately?
Relationships are partnerships.
Of course the intial thought would be tell her to sell her shit, but that would just be childish.
Is there a reason why she is so focused on herself lately?
robotsatemyhair:
A few thoughts.
First thought... it's none of my business but since you're putting it out here obviously you're cool with it kind of being our business so... have you talked to her about how her actions are making you feel? We're seeing one side of it, of course. But you don't seem happy. If you aren't happy, you can either communicate with her and do something about it, or you can bitch about her and build up further resentment until you finally just hate yourself or hate her.
Either way it doesn't seem like a fun or healthy way to live.
No relationship is perfect, and we all have things about our significant others that we can't stand, but, and I am guilty of this as well, when we start going to other people with our relationship problems instead of talking to the person we're in a relationship with it's basically like saying we're giving up on that person. Sure, sure we can call it venting, we can call it letting off some steam... but you have to step back and go, "How would she feel if she read what I just wrote about her on the internet. Would she feel that I had portrayed her honestly? Would she feel surprised about how I actually feel about the comments she made? Would she feel nothing because everything I wrote is already on the table and we have an open dialogue in the works. Would she feel good that I am letting off some steam elsewhere and she didn't have to deal with it? Would she feel hurt that a website full of strangers know that I'm unhappy before she did?"
Women don't always see that there is a problem with a relationship until you say, "There is a problem with our relationship," to us. We might sense something is wrong, which can make us a. moody b. overly sensitive c. bitchy d. defensive e. crazy f. territorial g. jealous h. all of the above i. KJHKHDKQOKSPOKXAOK. If you catch my meaning, but we won't let ourselves think that our actual bond with our partner is being damaged by our own behaviour.
I could just be projecting and completely off base. Either way, I hope things get better and that she chills the fuck out. Classic cars are awesome and should be enjoyed as you stated. My husband has all kinds of weird little hobbies that cost money we could have spent elsewhere. I also have a banjo I haven't played in two years and a keyboard I touch once every few months and an SG account
First thought... it's none of my business but since you're putting it out here obviously you're cool with it kind of being our business so... have you talked to her about how her actions are making you feel? We're seeing one side of it, of course. But you don't seem happy. If you aren't happy, you can either communicate with her and do something about it, or you can bitch about her and build up further resentment until you finally just hate yourself or hate her.
Either way it doesn't seem like a fun or healthy way to live.
No relationship is perfect, and we all have things about our significant others that we can't stand, but, and I am guilty of this as well, when we start going to other people with our relationship problems instead of talking to the person we're in a relationship with it's basically like saying we're giving up on that person. Sure, sure we can call it venting, we can call it letting off some steam... but you have to step back and go, "How would she feel if she read what I just wrote about her on the internet. Would she feel that I had portrayed her honestly? Would she feel surprised about how I actually feel about the comments she made? Would she feel nothing because everything I wrote is already on the table and we have an open dialogue in the works. Would she feel good that I am letting off some steam elsewhere and she didn't have to deal with it? Would she feel hurt that a website full of strangers know that I'm unhappy before she did?"
Women don't always see that there is a problem with a relationship until you say, "There is a problem with our relationship," to us. We might sense something is wrong, which can make us a. moody b. overly sensitive c. bitchy d. defensive e. crazy f. territorial g. jealous h. all of the above i. KJHKHDKQOKSPOKXAOK. If you catch my meaning, but we won't let ourselves think that our actual bond with our partner is being damaged by our own behaviour.
I could just be projecting and completely off base. Either way, I hope things get better and that she chills the fuck out. Classic cars are awesome and should be enjoyed as you stated. My husband has all kinds of weird little hobbies that cost money we could have spent elsewhere. I also have a banjo I haven't played in two years and a keyboard I touch once every few months and an SG account
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laceyk:
Ha ha! Love this costume.
I am normally a pink fifi, but sometimes get to be a different type of pet.
I am normally a pink fifi, but sometimes get to be a different type of pet.
laceyk:
I think it may have been more passive than aggressive 
I was worried bout it for an hour, she probably forgot about it 10 minutes later.
I was worried bout it for an hour, she probably forgot about it 10 minutes later.
One of these days, and I fear it will be soon, I won't be able to hold my tongue. She just cost us $1600 in ruined materials because there's not enough masking tape in the world to keep her between the lines and apparently drop cloths and cleaning spilled paint before it dries are unfathomable concepts - after being told twice.
Jesus fucking christ, I'd...
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Jesus fucking christ, I'd...
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aniston:
Oh no. 
robotsatemyhair:
EEK
Here a little secret that no one else knows:
When I get depressed, I scald myself in the shower. The pain is more intense than cutting and doesn't leave any permanent marks to raise questions from others.
I've been doing it nightly for the last three months.
I won't ask for help because I'm afraid I'll be put back on anti-depressants and lose my career...
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When I get depressed, I scald myself in the shower. The pain is more intense than cutting and doesn't leave any permanent marks to raise questions from others.
I've been doing it nightly for the last three months.
I won't ask for help because I'm afraid I'll be put back on anti-depressants and lose my career...
Read More
desdmonia:
interesting, I never thought of that.
daleko:
I never felt so depressed to do that so I guess my oppinion doesn't matter here... Just sending some hugs!
I was told today that I'm too private for my own good. Those were not the exact words, but it was certainly the intention. I couldn't deny it. I agreed whole heartedly. Most of what I do or say is a distractor to keep your attention away from the real me at the core. The part of me that both dances with demons and finagles...
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desdmonia:
What are your top three greatest fears?
cassiekoi:
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you... CRAZY week! So, my question is... What keeps you from being the real you everyday... Why is "The part of me that both dances with demons and finagles small miracles behind the scene" hidden on a regular basis (I understand that you are not in the same position you once were)? Why do you hide who truly are from those close to you? Why don;t you want those close to you to know who you are at the core? Will they not approve? Is that OK?
I don;t ask to try to expose you to all of the internet, just to maybe try to understand why I too am hidden in my daily life.. I won;t be offended if you don;t answer, can;t answer, or PM instead of putting it out there for all to see.
Cassie
I don;t ask to try to expose you to all of the internet, just to maybe try to understand why I too am hidden in my daily life.. I won;t be offended if you don;t answer, can;t answer, or PM instead of putting it out there for all to see.
CassieThey say the first step is the hardest. They say starting is the most daunting aspect. Let's hope they are right. I took the first step towards solving my problems today. Tomorrow is the second step. I hope to be able to speak freely soon, and not have to vent by way of cryptic half-posts. Things may suck, but the long run can only get...
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niobe:
Good luck.
Lord, give me the strength to make it through this week. Give me the clarity to act with reason and logic, and not to react with blind emotion. Guide me here, where I need it most. Let this action I am about to undertake be swift and true. Just as I was at the bottom once before, so I am again. And as I rose...
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desdmonia:
Hope you're get through okay
cassiekoi:
Hope things are on the upswing for you soon!