Been sitting at my desk for ages trying to think of how best to say things, I had a whole load of things I was going to say this morning and whilst i was at work but now I'm back home i'm coming up empty.
Things I've said yesterday cannot be unsaid, trust misplaced in me has been forever lost and I have no one to blame but myself.
The truth of the matter is I had a great time in march, I truly did, that's not to say it was perfect, there were a few things that niggled at me, I was not particularly talkative at the meet, at best my ability to converse came when numbers were reduced to four on the drive back, even then my contributions were not quite so involved.
This is my fault, has always been my fault, and will continue to be my fault. I hope it improves over time, it already did to some extent, years ago I wouldn't even go to a counter in a shop to make enquiries, I haven't asked a girl out since 2000, and to this day, I still get apprehensive over having to use a phone.
Since March for various reason I've distanced myself from the people that used to be my friends, I deleted kik because I was fed up of never getting messages, so while they couldn't contact me. I then had the additional nerve to complain no one ever took the time to contact me!
In the days leading up to the meet and earlier in the week on facebook, I've been a whining little bitch. Saturday I even took the time to get drunk, lonely and drunk stewing in my own wallow and self pity.
I didn't attend the meet because I decided a while ago I wasn't going to go, because I felt I was unworthy of attending, no one actually said this, but I felt it and the fact that no one asked me why I wasn't going or insisted me to go like they had done in march allowed me to feed myself that lie to a point where I fucking believed it.
In all fairness, this might be the self depreciation talking, but I believe a better time was had because I was not there. Really who the fuck would tolerate a ugly chud like me with the mentality of a 12 year old who's had his xbox taken away.
So there we have it, I'm a cunt, do not ever invite me anyplace,, do not trust me, do not even like me because I will probably backstab you in the eleventh hour and play the innocent card.
Thank you for your time.
Things I've said yesterday cannot be unsaid, trust misplaced in me has been forever lost and I have no one to blame but myself.
The truth of the matter is I had a great time in march, I truly did, that's not to say it was perfect, there were a few things that niggled at me, I was not particularly talkative at the meet, at best my ability to converse came when numbers were reduced to four on the drive back, even then my contributions were not quite so involved.
This is my fault, has always been my fault, and will continue to be my fault. I hope it improves over time, it already did to some extent, years ago I wouldn't even go to a counter in a shop to make enquiries, I haven't asked a girl out since 2000, and to this day, I still get apprehensive over having to use a phone.
Since March for various reason I've distanced myself from the people that used to be my friends, I deleted kik because I was fed up of never getting messages, so while they couldn't contact me. I then had the additional nerve to complain no one ever took the time to contact me!
In the days leading up to the meet and earlier in the week on facebook, I've been a whining little bitch. Saturday I even took the time to get drunk, lonely and drunk stewing in my own wallow and self pity.
I didn't attend the meet because I decided a while ago I wasn't going to go, because I felt I was unworthy of attending, no one actually said this, but I felt it and the fact that no one asked me why I wasn't going or insisted me to go like they had done in march allowed me to feed myself that lie to a point where I fucking believed it.
In all fairness, this might be the self depreciation talking, but I believe a better time was had because I was not there. Really who the fuck would tolerate a ugly chud like me with the mentality of a 12 year old who's had his xbox taken away.
So there we have it, I'm a cunt, do not ever invite me anyplace,, do not trust me, do not even like me because I will probably backstab you in the eleventh hour and play the innocent card.
Thank you for your time.
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Hi, how's it going?