noisemx

Allo,
I am not even sure if people really ever read this thing here or they just see it glacingly as they reply to a comment I have made in their journals. Either way, I keep writing.

Today marks what can become another very bad beginning for me. I have begun to have the detailed and terrifying dreams that in time turn into my hallucinations in the real world. This is one reason why I am on medication, I have delusional panic attacks and I hear and see things that are not there. I begin to hyper ventilate and stutter and often get quite nauseous. It is painful actually and has horrible effects on my mental state. It is always something that starts off from dreaming in very graphic detail of odd things. When my attacks happen I can only repeat what I see for a brief few seconds and then it is gone again, but the side effects remain for at least an hour. I have nearly lost jobs to it and have been injured physically because of my attacks. I hate them. They are due to begin again it seems and I am terrified. I found myself crying this morning (a very difficult thing to happen) in fright of the certain events to follow over the next few weeks. I hate this shit.
Cheers.
Music:
the entire Bricolage album by Amon Tobin.