Monday Dec 06, 2010

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Just started going back to school. Stress added to stress and no time for computer. I need to make time for this place. I didn't pay for a subscription not to use it. lol
nd_watch:
Don't burn yourself out! Have some fun and relax when you can.

Sunday Nov 07, 2010

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I've been gone. I've been working on myself a lot lately. No time for facebook, SG, or anything else. I'm sorry to everyone. Just know, I'll be back when I'm whole again.

Saturday Oct 30, 2010

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I've been gone.

I'm sorry. I've been trying to find myself.

I'm searching in the deepest darkest corners of everywhere and I think I'm on the right track.

I may be gone a little longer and I apologize for that.

I go back to school next week. I'm so excited for that.

Just an update so that everyone knows I miss them and I'll be...
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Wednesday Oct 20, 2010

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I remember when going raving used to make me right as rain. I used to be having a hard time and we'd gather up the family and go out and spread our PLUR and our love and I'd come home feeling perfect.

I wish the scene wasn't so dirty now. I wish I knew if I went, would I have a good time? Would I...
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Tuesday Oct 19, 2010

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I don't know why I even write. I woke up to a rude comment from a complete stranger. These are things that trigger me. Why do I allow what other people think to make my day good or bad? It is so stupid.

I went to therapy today and my therapist told me that its because I have bad self esteem. Its true. I put...
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laceyk:
Thanks for the vote of confidence on the drive. It actually helps. Makes me think I am not that crazy for doing it!

I ran for a bit, it did help me tighten up and lose weight and until I stopped for other reasons it also made me feel better emotionally. It gave me a chance to clear my head. For the half hour or whatever I was running all the things that normally bothered me didn't.
ms_extreme:
I'm worried about running and the way I look when I run. I know that sounds ridiculous, but its a real fear I have. Its silly and I just need to get over it.

I'm glad I could help you with your drive! Its totally worth it! I'm excited to get to go back to school soon, even if I do have to drive. When I get there, I'll know I'm doing something great with my life.

Friday Oct 15, 2010

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I can't handle my husband's negativity today. Its one thing for a couple of hours, but now he's going to be this way all day. Makes me wanna pack up and leave. Sorry you don't have your pot. You give me shit about my pain meds all day long, and I haven't had any in almost a week. Buck up and get over it.

Its...
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Thursday Oct 14, 2010

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My husband's strength is waning. This is frightening. I need him to be strong for me. I know he can't always be strong, but who can I turn to when I'm feeling weak?

He asks "Why do we have to be in this position?" Even I know the answer to that.

We're fuck ups. Thats why.

But we're fuck ups together. And thats what makes...
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Tuesday Oct 12, 2010

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So, the girl I'm taking pictures for got her application approved.

Lucky bitch.

Yeah, I'm a little jealous, but I'm excited because now we're into the part where you take the set pictures and I'm so ready to do it. I'm feeling creative and I can't wait to start doing it.

I'm starting to feel better too, not so suicidal, like I was feeling. Could...
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Wednesday Sep 29, 2010

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Well, today was a little better than yesterday. Last night, I don't know what happened, but I NEEDED to kill myself. I had to do it. I didn't know how, I didn't know when, but I had to do it. My husband held me down as I screamed and cried and watched me all night. He helped me take my anti-anxiety meds and set up...
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Tuesday Sep 28, 2010

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So, I took application pictures for my friend yesterday, we're hoping to send in her app today. She's such a lucky bitch. For so long, I had an application in and I was sending in sets and hoping everyday to be accepted. Now I'm just a fat mom with 2 kids and a jealous husband. Oh well..

I'm so pissed off at my husband right...
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idreamofninjas:
What's the cause of your back pain?
ms_extreme:
To make a long story short, two years ago, I caught my friend (who was 300lbs at the time) from falling backwards in a chair. I caught the chair and then lifted it back up. A couple weeks later I noticed some severe pain in my spine between my shoulder blades and saw that there were visible knots on each side of my spine. It just keeps getting worse and worse and no doctor has any clue what to do. My doctor has taken xrays (which have shown nothing) and ct scans (which have shown nothing). I'm just not sure what to do as of right now. My body has a high tolerance for pain meds, so I take oxycontin (15mgs) for my pain and my husband worries about the addiction problem. So far, I'm not too addicted other than that I need one when I wake up and later on in the day after being on my feet for a long while.