You know, sometimes I get really fucking fed up with people.
You talk to me or email me or IM me with your problems, or with what's going on in your life, and I'm supposed to act all interested and concerned, but when it comes to my turn to talk, and you ask me how I'm doing (if you do, because some of you don't even do that), I really wonder nowadays if you even give a shit- or if you're asking me because it's the polite thing to do after you've sucked up all my energy and time with your petty little life story.
I'm really sick of hearing how you need a ride someplace, or how jealous you are because I got to spend time with someone you wanted to, or how your boyfriend's an idiot, or how your girlfriend wants you to quit the site. I'm tired of all the people vying for my attention and time. Right now, I really don't give a shit how things turn out for you. And don't tell me I'm a bad friend for saying all this- in my opinion, you're all bad friends for using up my time and feelings and sympathy like you have, and expecting me to think about you before I think about myself. This shit ends right now. When is it MY turn? Do you really care that I can't find a fucking job? Or that I'm broke? Or that I have a panic disorder that I'm still learning to deal with? Or that I'm single? Or that I moved back in with my belittling parents? Or that I owe thousands of dollars in debt? Or that people I thought were my friends keep flaking out and failing me? Maybe you do, but lately it really sounds like you don't. It's not like I ever really asked you all to care in the first place, but I cared about your problems, drama and dilemmas- I genuinely did. To the point where it kept me up nights, wondering what to say to you and worrying myself into panic attack after panic attack. I honestly cared. Did you? Do you? Maybe you do- but honestly, deep down, I really could give a fuck right now.
I'm so tired of being made to feel obligated to cater to your needs, tend to your troubles, give you advice and offer support. Where is mine? Because lately, I haven't been feeling it at all. I don't feel like your friend these days- I feel like a scratching post, your wailing wall. I feel used and thrown away like so much Kleenex. I don't want to hear about your problems for once- I have problems of my own to deal with. And before you ask me what makes me so fucking special, lemme ask you the very same thing- what makes YOU special? I just need to concentrate on my own trials in life for a change. Maybe it's my own fault for worrying too much about you- I love all of you, I really do. But right now, I hate you for sucking up all of my sympathy and good feelings, and not getting anything in return.
Last night, I was driving home and saw a girl hitching on the side of the freeway. It was pouring down rain outside. She was soaked. I didn't even slow down. She could have been a serial killer, I don't know for sure. But usually, I'll at least stop and ask if they need a hand with their flat or something. Not this time. I kept right on driving. I was so fucking sick of people and their needs that I didn't even swerve to avoid splashing her as I sped past.
One more thing- I'm really sick of being made to feel like an asshole for feeling like this. I deserve someone to listen to MY problems, and give ME advice, if I'm willing to listen to yours, and give you insight as well. I don't want to hear, "You're not my friend anymore, cause you're a fucking dick for feeling this way and saying these things." I deserve the right to some space. Mostly, though, I deserve the right to work on MY problems without having to hold your fucking hands through yours.
I'm afraid I won't be attending the party this Saturday, simply because I don't feel up to attending, obviously. I need to concentrate on my schoolwork, which has been really suffering this quarter. Please give Roxy my best, and do your best to give her a warm welcome to Seattle. She feels like the party isn't really about her anymore, which I can totally understand at this point. She seems like a nice girl, so don't get all "me me me" on her. She doesn't need that.
And if you're still reading this, which I would be surprised as all hell if you were, here's something for you-
Go away.
You talk to me or email me or IM me with your problems, or with what's going on in your life, and I'm supposed to act all interested and concerned, but when it comes to my turn to talk, and you ask me how I'm doing (if you do, because some of you don't even do that), I really wonder nowadays if you even give a shit- or if you're asking me because it's the polite thing to do after you've sucked up all my energy and time with your petty little life story.
I'm really sick of hearing how you need a ride someplace, or how jealous you are because I got to spend time with someone you wanted to, or how your boyfriend's an idiot, or how your girlfriend wants you to quit the site. I'm tired of all the people vying for my attention and time. Right now, I really don't give a shit how things turn out for you. And don't tell me I'm a bad friend for saying all this- in my opinion, you're all bad friends for using up my time and feelings and sympathy like you have, and expecting me to think about you before I think about myself. This shit ends right now. When is it MY turn? Do you really care that I can't find a fucking job? Or that I'm broke? Or that I have a panic disorder that I'm still learning to deal with? Or that I'm single? Or that I moved back in with my belittling parents? Or that I owe thousands of dollars in debt? Or that people I thought were my friends keep flaking out and failing me? Maybe you do, but lately it really sounds like you don't. It's not like I ever really asked you all to care in the first place, but I cared about your problems, drama and dilemmas- I genuinely did. To the point where it kept me up nights, wondering what to say to you and worrying myself into panic attack after panic attack. I honestly cared. Did you? Do you? Maybe you do- but honestly, deep down, I really could give a fuck right now.
I'm so tired of being made to feel obligated to cater to your needs, tend to your troubles, give you advice and offer support. Where is mine? Because lately, I haven't been feeling it at all. I don't feel like your friend these days- I feel like a scratching post, your wailing wall. I feel used and thrown away like so much Kleenex. I don't want to hear about your problems for once- I have problems of my own to deal with. And before you ask me what makes me so fucking special, lemme ask you the very same thing- what makes YOU special? I just need to concentrate on my own trials in life for a change. Maybe it's my own fault for worrying too much about you- I love all of you, I really do. But right now, I hate you for sucking up all of my sympathy and good feelings, and not getting anything in return.
Last night, I was driving home and saw a girl hitching on the side of the freeway. It was pouring down rain outside. She was soaked. I didn't even slow down. She could have been a serial killer, I don't know for sure. But usually, I'll at least stop and ask if they need a hand with their flat or something. Not this time. I kept right on driving. I was so fucking sick of people and their needs that I didn't even swerve to avoid splashing her as I sped past.
One more thing- I'm really sick of being made to feel like an asshole for feeling like this. I deserve someone to listen to MY problems, and give ME advice, if I'm willing to listen to yours, and give you insight as well. I don't want to hear, "You're not my friend anymore, cause you're a fucking dick for feeling this way and saying these things." I deserve the right to some space. Mostly, though, I deserve the right to work on MY problems without having to hold your fucking hands through yours.
I'm afraid I won't be attending the party this Saturday, simply because I don't feel up to attending, obviously. I need to concentrate on my schoolwork, which has been really suffering this quarter. Please give Roxy my best, and do your best to give her a warm welcome to Seattle. She feels like the party isn't really about her anymore, which I can totally understand at this point. She seems like a nice girl, so don't get all "me me me" on her. She doesn't need that.
And if you're still reading this, which I would be surprised as all hell if you were, here's something for you-
Go away.
VIEW 25 of 28 COMMENTS
I got to the point you're at about a year ago. Life became much better after my rant, and it's been so much easier to say, "No...I need me time right now. We'll do coffee later." YOU are the most important person in your life, and I'm glad you finally realize that.
Hang in there. It gets easier from here. Trust me.