mistersatan

Dear Mom-

I got all my things as quietly as I could and left last night- I didn't want to wake anyone. Thanks for letting me stay as long as you did- I really appreciate it. I know it probably bugged Scott having me back home again, and I'm sorry about that. I didn't want to make anyone angry at me. I know he doesn't like me very much, and he probably thinks I'm irresponsible and kind of dumb, so I can imagine that having me back around for a while probably didn't make your life any easier either.

By the time you read this, I'll hopefully be at a friends' house, on their couch. I've got eight dollars in my pocket, enough to ride the bus. Don't worry about me, I'll be okay. I had a big lunch.

I wanted to apologize to you as well- you always said I was your favorite, ever since Jason left to go live with Dad. I'm sorry that I'm not turning out to your expectations. I tried to be good, and nice, and polite, and smart, but I guess I just have too much of Dad in me- I'm too much of a fuckup. It's okay, I admit it. I seem to have... lost my way. Who knows, maybe this is my way, to follow in his footsteps. I guess no matter how hard you try, you're destined to wind up just like the people that made you.

I know I'm a fuckup, and irresponsible, so I'll save you the trouble of thinking it (even though you would never say it to my face). I'll be okay, don't worry. My heart's acting up again, and I don't know if it's another panic attack from Scott yelling at me on the drive home, or if there really is something wrong with my heart. It's okay, though- I'll scrape some cash from panhandling or something so I can buy my pills. I'll be okay.

I'm sorry you bet on the wrong horse, Mom. You should give Jason a call- I'm sure he'd love to hear from you. Take care, Mom- I love you.

-Randy