Feeling worse than being hated
Knowing that the one I have wanted to be close to, for so long, wants nothing to do with me & that it's my fault...I can not help but feel inadequate on any and all levels of intimacy.
Can't sleep
Can't eat
It's getting harder to not believe:
I'm not nice
Not worth the trouble
I won't be alone for ever....
Yeah, & Quarantine isnt helping.
This isn't a pity me post or a please fix me post. I know it's all in my head & that I just need to "buck up" and get over it, like everyone else does.
I know I am like nothing to him
But I still can't go one day without thinking about his smile... sometimes it feels like I cant even go 5 minutes :(
Not sure how to move forward....pretty sure I have to tho, I know I cant continue to live like this.
Thought about being in love for so long...but now the thought is like gone & I'm left with what feels like a hole in my gut.
This hurts.
