mexicant

"i had seven faces / thought i knew which one to wear / i'm sick of spending these lonely nights / training myself not to care..."

-Interpol: NYC

I wish I had someone to talk to. I wish I had someone to hang out with. I really want to go to Balboa Park and talk. Maybe sit on the hood of my car, listening to music, and watch the cars drive by. But I have no one. My friends are all with family. My family is all away from me. Seems no one wants to be near me lately. And I don't blame them...

I hit a rough patch a week back. I was grasping for something to hold on to. Something to ground me... something to focus on. I focused on the wrong thing unfortunately. I scared someone away that I wish I hadn't. I wish I could apologize and ask if I could try again. But I know that's not going to happen. I fucked it up. Plain and simple. So yet again, my mind has sabotaged my life.

I don't have to work until monday, which some would think was a great thing. Unfortunately, I have nothing to do for all this time. I almost wish I did have to go to work... just so I could momentarily forget about not having anyone to talk to. So I could surround myself with work, and with "circumstantial" friends.

Heh. And people ask me why I drink...