"Its a picture perfect evening and Im staring down the sun/Fully loaded deaf and dumb and done/Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head/Or any situation where Im better off then dead"
-Elliot Smith: Sweet Adeline
God damnit. I was in the middle of beginning this post when my ex called me. I wanted to be her friend after the breakup, since we (a) were friends before the initial hook-up, and (b) have been through so much together that it seemed a shame to comletely disconnect myself from her and vice versa. However, I was apparantly mistaken in my assumption that we could remain friends.
The conversation started out fairly innocently. She has just started a new job with our local ccable provider as a customer service technician, which is not what she is actually trained in (she's trained as a mortgage banker) but she really enjoyed it and wanted to discuss how much she loves said job. But it is around 11 and I am usully the only person she knows that is up at this hour... or at least coherent!
Well, inevitably, the conversation rolled around to why we had broken up. Now, let me say that we broke up in January and this subject has surfaced on a multitude of occasions since said breakup. More times than I feel comfortable really, since each time she breaks down crying and I end up feeling like the largest piece of human excrement to ever walk upright.
Well , as I stated before, she cried. And called me a "heartless fucker", and an "uncaring sack of shit". The verbal abuse I'm ok with, I am after all a goverment employee and am used to people saying horrible things directed to me and my lineage, but what did get to me was the fact that she was saying this mere seconds after she told me she was back with her ex (prior to me).
Not to make it sound as though I'm jealous (because I'm not), but he's a sack of (insert horrible animal here) 's shit! Supporting facts:
1- He's a rich little bastard that has never really had to work for a living and thusly does not really know what life is.
2- He's a notorious alcoholic and is prone to sudden outbursts of violence, which brings us to...
3- HE BEAT HER!!!
4- MULTIPLE TIMES!!!
I'm at a loss for words. Why in all the Gods names would she even contemplate going back to such horrible existence?
At first I thought, as you probably do, that it was a clever ploy to make me jealous and force me to return to her. But that is not the case. She is genuinely in love with him! She wants to move in with him!! I feel so horrible knowing that someone I know and care for is reducing themselves to such levels of self-loating, since that is certainly what must have happened to cause this.
I asked her to not call me again. I really think that the supposed "relationship" we had was not the best for my mental and physical health. So now I have lost another friend. Ugh.
On another note...
I am still reeling from the news of Mr. Smiths death. I have not stopped listening to the XO album since. And I do believe it is the first time in nearly 10 years that I have cried.
"Im never gonna know you now, but Im gonna love you anyhow"
We'll miss you Mr.Smith, and may you finally find the peace you could not find here. *sniff, wipes tear*
-Elliot Smith: Sweet Adeline
God damnit. I was in the middle of beginning this post when my ex called me. I wanted to be her friend after the breakup, since we (a) were friends before the initial hook-up, and (b) have been through so much together that it seemed a shame to comletely disconnect myself from her and vice versa. However, I was apparantly mistaken in my assumption that we could remain friends.
The conversation started out fairly innocently. She has just started a new job with our local ccable provider as a customer service technician, which is not what she is actually trained in (she's trained as a mortgage banker) but she really enjoyed it and wanted to discuss how much she loves said job. But it is around 11 and I am usully the only person she knows that is up at this hour... or at least coherent!
Well, inevitably, the conversation rolled around to why we had broken up. Now, let me say that we broke up in January and this subject has surfaced on a multitude of occasions since said breakup. More times than I feel comfortable really, since each time she breaks down crying and I end up feeling like the largest piece of human excrement to ever walk upright.
Well , as I stated before, she cried. And called me a "heartless fucker", and an "uncaring sack of shit". The verbal abuse I'm ok with, I am after all a goverment employee and am used to people saying horrible things directed to me and my lineage, but what did get to me was the fact that she was saying this mere seconds after she told me she was back with her ex (prior to me).
Not to make it sound as though I'm jealous (because I'm not), but he's a sack of (insert horrible animal here) 's shit! Supporting facts:
1- He's a rich little bastard that has never really had to work for a living and thusly does not really know what life is.
2- He's a notorious alcoholic and is prone to sudden outbursts of violence, which brings us to...
3- HE BEAT HER!!!
4- MULTIPLE TIMES!!!
I'm at a loss for words. Why in all the Gods names would she even contemplate going back to such horrible existence?
At first I thought, as you probably do, that it was a clever ploy to make me jealous and force me to return to her. But that is not the case. She is genuinely in love with him! She wants to move in with him!! I feel so horrible knowing that someone I know and care for is reducing themselves to such levels of self-loating, since that is certainly what must have happened to cause this.
I asked her to not call me again. I really think that the supposed "relationship" we had was not the best for my mental and physical health. So now I have lost another friend. Ugh.
On another note...
I am still reeling from the news of Mr. Smiths death. I have not stopped listening to the XO album since. And I do believe it is the first time in nearly 10 years that I have cried.
"Im never gonna know you now, but Im gonna love you anyhow"
We'll miss you Mr.Smith, and may you finally find the peace you could not find here. *sniff, wipes tear*
