mexicant

"Today and tomorrow have become...Become one/Every single thing has become none/Human nature is a beast/What I've done the most to show I have the least

Please don't leave me here/Please don't leave me here/Don't you leave me alone"

-Ben Harper: Alone

I'd like to start out this journal entry by asking you some questions...

Do you have a best friend? Do you have someone that you can count on to be there, no matter what? Is this person the one you turn to when you need another's opinion? Or when you need someone to console you? Have you known this person for "ages"?

I don't. Never have really. Well, that's not true - sorry. I used to. I had a group of friends that meant more than the world to me. There were 6 of us. We even stayed at each other's houses on occasions. We spent every waking moment in the company of each other. My first love was one of those friends. (But that's a rant for another day...)

I miss them on occasion. Well, that's another lie. I miss them ALL the time. The problem is, and I'm sure I've stated this before, I tend to say the wrong things. I have a way of pushing hidden buttons that send people into a frenzy. I don't really know how or why, but it seems to be an unnatural gift of mine. And is always the case, I drove them away. Even the only girl I've ever truely loved completely.

Well, here's where we tie it all together:

I went to the 18V show on Friday. It was an all ages venue, so I expected some little kids to show up as well. However, I had no idea that I and my date were to be the ONLY people there over the age of 20. That in and of itself made me realize I was nolonger a part of the ''scene" which made me a little sad...

So after said show I took my date home. We said our pleasentries and I left slightly depressed, but also slightly glad that I had had an actual date (though I might have been mistaken in actually thinking it was a date...)

Well, earlier that day I had spoken with someone who I thought was turning into a good friend. Maybe not a "best" friend, but at least very close. I had made a joke that I would need to go buy condoms ( ) so as to be thoroughly prepared. She apparantly did not think this funny.

She made a big stink about that comment not being even mildly amusing. I did not fully comprehend why it was that she was so upset. The converstion went roughly like this:

Me: "What's wrong?"

Her: "Nothing. I just don't think it's funny is all."

Me: "Why? Is it so wrong to think that perhaps I might have some relations with another human being?"

Her: "No... Just drop it..."

I thought nothing more of it at that time, although I wish I had. Apparantly I'm not good at picking up signals.

I spoke to her today. We talked for awhile and the conversation inevitably veered towards the dreaded topic. Again, it went roughly like this:

Me: "Sooooo..... what the hell was Friday about?"

Her: "I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Come on. I really want to know what happened. I want to know if I did something wrong so I can apologize."

"It's alright. Drop it."

"But..."

"Listen, if you don't drop it we can't hang out. Alright?!"

"Sorry. Dropped."

WTF?!?!?!?!

So I have come to realize that she has a "thing" for me. She's a nice girl, a sweet girl, but not my type (read: no tattoos, minimal/trendy piercings, no sense of morbid humor, etc.). And besides... SHE ALREADY HAS A FRIGGIN' BOYFRIEND!!!

So now I can't talk to her because we "can't look at the elephant in the middle of the room". Which really sucks because she was the closest thing I've had to a "best" friend in a long time (read:7 years... yeah, I'm not anti-social).

Oh... almost forgot.

My ex called me last night thinking I was her new boyfriend. She raved about the "phenomenal" sex they had the night before. She did this for about a minute before I interuppted and told her who I was. She quickly hung up.

Nice to know everyone else is happy but me. S'ok though, I'm getting used to it.



*Now where's that bottle of Tequila...*