maxi

not much has changed, but somehow I feel in better spirits today, at least I wasn't walking around crying all day yesterday. that's a major improvement.
I felt that Ant must have sensed something yesterday in me, he seemed to be more attentive last night, we had a small dinner at the Tap and went home, I tried a new batch I got, a little Damp but smooth, I'm all out of my favorite Dutch licorice fruit twist now! damn! something about pot makes me want to chew on things that resist my bite, some sort of jaw exorcise.

so my mom called me at work yesterday, apparently she's out or rehab now, and all keyed up as usual, I kinda would like to stay clear from her even though I never see her anyway, I just don't want our visits to become me lecturing her or getting aggravated because my small family of 2 are both drug addicts, and there's nothing more to talk about, I hate that I am the youngest and the most responsible.
I hate that I am not the one being lectured, I hate that my family is prone to constantly playing with fire and risking their lives, and disregard the ones that count on them. I know mothers day is next weekend, but I am in no mood to even be near her right now, not that she won't flake out on me anyway like she does for every holiday anyway, I'm use to it now. No wonder I have issues with trust and stability.

Rash update: ok so on the steroids since last Friday, and I have a follow up appt this Friday again I actually think its going away, I'm not up all night to to scratching, and the cream they gave me seems to sooth immediately, also I have been using tee tree oil on the heavy areas that had been scratched till they bled. I small like some Chinese guru store, but I don't care as long as its getting better

Thanks all of you for your continuing support on my journal, I want everyone to know that I noticed that I get more posts of concern when I am doing not so great, which makes me feel better about this site, its not all Nudie pix, its become a community with some quirks but all in all there are some really cool and genuine people here, that don't just wanna see my ass, but actually show concern how healthy my ass is! thank you all.

Craving of the day: Raspberry lime ricky over crushed ice. now I bet your like WTF is that?
OCDF: 85% good. I really tried hard yesterday.