Monday Mar 16, 2009

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It's Over

Over the past year I have grown a lot emotionally. I have made some really wonderful friends, and I've let some go.

The latter saddens me, a lot. I hate it when friendships come to an end. Last year, I lost someone important to me because of miscommunication on both sides of the fence. The most recent relationship to end was with the friend I had mentioned in my last blog. I want to thank everyone who commented, giving me advice and well wishes - seriously, you guys are the greatest ♥

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

My aforementioned friend had her husband call my house today, wanting to get some dvds back from my brother. I got him when he called, and I told him it wouldn't be a problem. Before I hung up, I asked how he was doing, he hesitated, so I said, "she's pretty mad at me, huh?" He said, "Yup." I told him I understood that he couldn't talk about it, then that I'd see him when he came to get the movies.

A few minutes later, the phone rang, and it was my friend... telling me she wasn't mad at me. She said that she hadn't called me since our last exchange (when I had blurted out that I felt bullied by her, that I felt that I couldn't express my opinions without being bulldozed, that I felt bad for her husband who regularly had to put up with the same treatment), because she felt she was giving me what I wanted. I had said I was fearful to call because I was afraid she'd be pissed. She asked me if I meant what I said, and I said that although I was sorry for the way it came out (all blurty and such), but that I meant every word that I said.

The conversation was uncomfortable from beginning to end. I won't list every detail, but I found myself getting more and more frustrated - and for anyone who knows me well, that is not common for me. I'm not an angry person, but man, she just hadn't heard anything I had said. She twisted things that I had said around to suit herself - that it wasn't her fault I felt bullied, it was my fault for not sticking up for myself.

I kept my head, tried not to say anything I didn't mean (though there were two things I said that I would not have said if I wasn't overly frustrated). I told her that I felt our friendship should be over. That it wasn't healthy. I made sure I was clear on my reasons.

I didn't want it to end that way... I hate leaving things on a bad note. I don't think she could handle so much from me all at once, when she wasn't used to me voicing my opinion (not when it opposes her views, anyway). And I don't think I could handle going back to the "friendship" as it was. I stood up for myself, for once.

I'm feeling like a selfish meanie because of ending the friendship... but at the same time, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted.

Thanks again to all my awesome friends here. kiss



Fun wif Pagz

I had a great day with my good friend Pagz. He came over to help my mom and I set up a bed, which was great. He's darn handy! We went for a swim too, as part of our getting fit plan. Then, we made pizzas for dinner, watched Muppet Babies and had ice cream biggrin

So, ladies... Pagz is awesome. He's single. He's loads of fun. He likes Muppet Babies. As his agent, I will be accepting girlfriend applications starting ASAP.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave you met Pagz?

VIEW 26 of 26 COMMENTS
kaise17:
thank you, thank you, thank you...surprisingly my diet for the last 24 hours has included chinease food and 1 bottle of milk. i probably should eat and drink more. i think technically i'm starved. *hugs* thanks for being such a sweet lady.
ricos:
aw thanks, thats helps to hear actually. That would be one of the good things is that my Mom Sister and Brother in Law could use the help finanacially too (they all live together now). smile

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