mariekimble

When the words rattle tat-tat inside your noggin--you have to listen, get your self up outta bed and give them their voice.
Right now is that moment.
Since jumping onto this bandwagon of what I've come to know as Suicide Girls back in June, little did I know what effects it would bring in my awakening or maybe just resurrection of my creative vision.

Shadowsilver surprised me after a month of my battling the woes from a lost relationship with a gift subscription. After doing what I properly aspired to do, pissing of those whom I judged as offenders--those like myself--he offered that I open my mind, keep expressing my opinion and fight the hard fight on some of the groups that I have grown to well..tolerate.

Thank you Mr. Shadowsilver for the gift. It has been a source of irritation, a form of self-abuse at times but most of all a landing place for my thoughts--however sometimes righteous they may be. I've bitched, cried, commiserated, contributed and belched onto this keyboard. Honestly, this summer it often times has saved my life as well; confused it. I pour and it receives.

I've been just taking in so much lately, in regards to experience, wisdom and wonder. The human condition, the processing of feelings, and a lot of just good ole self-absorbtion. That is it...just been taking in. I've been reading a lot of your posts and other friends of friends and have seen a bit of a trend of "what I did this summer" on a lot of journals and well...not wanting to be left out, here is my version.

Summer is gone but here in LA the miserable heat and fires still persist. September is always sweltering but this one is a real top notch Gucci carrying, small dog totting, botox suffering Rodeo Drive shopping , platinum card carrying rich hollywood moguls daughter with spiked heels--It's a bitch! I'm lying in bed , the bed is feeling WAY TOO frickin big right now and the bleeping heat just kicks me because I choose to live in a hipster address that is cool for looks but low on comfortability, being true to fashion; it looks great but there isn't any air conditioning. I'm tossing and turning, the bed is getting emptier of course, and I'm thinking about the end of summer. The fact that my mother is in escrow with the house that I grew up in, that she is setting up a living trust in its replacement, my changing vocations along with starting up AND following thru with my own business, a friendship I lost to heroin ,the death of a fellow from cancer, the death of a prospective client who recently killed himself not much longer after we met with him, my ex--of course--and the fact that he has really driseled into an ex and what the fuck it all meant, or means. Is he reading this? Reminding myself that it did happen and I had a great relationship with him once, despite of the fact that when I do occasionally see him it seems like what happened didn't. My ever growing independent spirit that continues to thrive inside me, should I join a theatre group in which I would be bringing to the table more so than being a collegue. This bald-headed, control-freak short man whom a friend set me up with and reminded me why I shouldn't be dating whom I passed on the street today and ignored, this amazing movie I saw this evening called "Nobody Lives Here Anymore" which revealed while watching it, how grateful I am that I haven't married or had kids--yet. The irritation of sweet love songs that Jim Ladd keeps playing tonight that I sigh over and Oh...and last but not least, the numbness in my fingers from using bleach without gloves today.

Ok...next stop...sleepyland.

To be continued...