Alright, I know I've disappeared a lot lately. That's my fault. I've been working two jobs and not modeling nearly as much lately. I did a shoot last night, images to appear on codewear clothing's website modeling their gear.. I admit it. I've been busy. I'm also happy.

I never thought I would find the strength or presence of
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lordskrappy:
@madilynn, yea lady I hear the crickets too. For what it's worth, I think your awesome and worthy of the status. Site interaction does play a role in selection. Your a very gorgeous woman & I don't get it. There is something missing. I hope you can find it! Wishing you the best! Big Skrappy Hugs! 
12

So the new job is in insurance... I'm the new director of marketing for an agency! I love the job, I'm just hoping my pay reflects my value. I know the agency is just getting off the ground so my boss can't pay me beyond his means, but having a first class ticket to this ride, so long as its a long...
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VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
grifterwc:
How are things going with the new job?
madilynn:
I'm so frustrated! My boss isn't paying me near enough... it's like having a hobby that pays out... very badly. It isn't even enough to cover my monthly bills, so I have to keep dancing for now.. The last couple of months were rough in StL for dancing, but they're starting to get better. Hopefully things get easier soon!
7

have you scoped out @azera yet? Her sets and sets she togged out on. Just sayin...

/drunk after work plug

Lol

<3 Madi

midnightrider454:
Yes, yes I have, she's fucking amazing, as are you
azera:
kisses!!
11

ok... So I guess I've finally hit a point in my life where my choice of employment is.. Accepted?

I started working in St Louis again about a mont ago, out at Penthouse. I'm doing fairly well, making good money, relaxing and bopping around and having fun. About a week and a half ago my mother confronted me about dancing... She says she...
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legman:
"and dancing around the subject"  lol!
madilynn:
Lol right? Ahhh..... Haha
4

I recently spent some time going through my old computer desk from high school and found some pen pal letters from the first true friend I ever had... Rob, the Lambrage, Mr 'Iris Out' himself...

I was only 13 or 14 when I started spending every waking hour online, chatting on aol instant messenger, with someone who became my dearest friend. Rob and my friend...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
madilynn:
Thanks for your support.. <3 It's crazy to think over a decade ago I met someone so special, so amazing... and he was taken away. I'm just really glad I kept those letters, and I found them, and I'll keep them always... 
irabrai:
It always sucks to lose someone you love, it'll always hurt. I've found that the best way is to never forget them. I lost my first girlfriend to cancer a few years ago (i wasn't with her at the time, hadn't been for 3 years at least, and hadn't seen her for almost 1 year), but never kept any real keep sakes, other than my memories of her. Had - when we were together- a picture of me holding her on her bed; but stupidly tore it up, and completely regret it now. I know that the day before she passed, i wanted to text her; One of the "Girls" that i worked with was leaving to become a nurse - reminding me of her and her mum (who was a carer). I never had a chance to say goodbye to her (think our last chat was how she was coming down to Southend to see another mate and how we'd have to meet up; the 3 of us). She's someone I miss, and always shall, not a day goes past where i don't think about her. Thinking of you at this time @madilynn
8

I just realized I'm closer to thirty than twenty now.

This is going to sound crazy, but I like it. I like who I am, how sure I am of my core values and principles, how certain I am that I am a good person (though eccentric and sometimes impulsive) and deserve the good things in life that come to me.

I know it...
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VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
madilynn:
I have always been assertive and open... I've learned a lot over the years. I've learned what I want, and what I don't want. I have a new perspective on what's important to me and what's not. At the end of the day, I want to be able to come home and climb in bed and be held and know that I'm loved. That's it. That's enough. With that, I want to know that I'm loved regardless of the modeling, the dancing... everything. That I'm loved for who I am precisely, not someone I have to pretend to be. I can look back at the things we fought about, the arguments and lies we told each other... I don't see any of it as having any baring on anything moving forward. My biggest fear is losing what I have now, but I know I can't be happy stuck in limbo either... not forever. I keep waiting and hoping that there will be some great sign to tell me there's something better and I deserve it... but these days, really, I have no complaints except the undetermined state of these emotions. 
jedoro:
Go for it. If you're waiting for life to have some certainty, you'll be waiting forever, because with all of the different people involved in our lives, nothing's ever really certain. If you think exes are exes for a reason, maybe that reason was that he hadn't grown up yet. We regret more the things we didn't do, than the things we did.

omg

15

I totally just got kissed by a porn star... :> Jesse Jane is in the house tonight! Woop woop!

tactical:
Lucky Jesse 
grifterwc:
OMG.. thats awesome.. shes such a babe!
8

to all the daddies out there... Celebrate your day, you've most likely earned it! Lol

My dad was a silly sort of awesome... He's inspired me to achieve (sometimes through raging screaming fights... Such as the computer, which encouraged me to build my first tower at 8) and reassured me I'm tough and capable ( don't rub it, walk it off, if...
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