Beauty, Nostalgia and Transitions
Let me tell you a story...
This past Sunday I drove to a little town in northern Indiana to celebrate to 40th wedding anniversary of my mom's sister and her husband. Although I have never been particularly close to anyone on that side of the family, I decided to go for two main reasons. First, my aunt Louise has MS and will likely not be much longer on this earth. Second, I simply hadn't seen many of these people for years and years.
After arriving, we all sat in the small community center, drinking punch, watching as others arrived when suddenly, in walked my oldest cousin Annette. I hadn't seen her in 15 plus years. She took off her sunglasses, looked around the room, noticed me, flashed a wide smile and suddenly I was caught up in a memory...
I am 17 again. I have traveled back in time more than 1/2 my lifetime ago in an instant... Annette is 16, with a brand new drivers license and a fast little green convertable MG. Blue sky. Summer sun. Acres of green fields flashing by. Wind blowing wildly as two teen-agers roar down the road, top down, radio cranked.
Annette and I... wild, alive and free. Both of us at the brink of adulthood. Both of us caught in the maelstrom that the late teens so often are. Both of us the oldest kid in our family, with all of the attendant expectations that go with that. Both of us more than a little on the rebellious side. Both of us just wanting to be free...
I have no idea how or why we were out that day together. It's the only time I remember the two of us ever being alone together. Regardless, that day we were, and it was perfect. We laughed, and talked and shared ice cream. We drove crazy-fast on back country roads and sang along with the radio at the top of our lungs. We kissed that day. A warm, wonderful, innocent kiss that ended with a smile and a blush (we were cousins after all...)
I see this all with crystal clarity. I am caught up in that moment, 20 years after the fact, and it takes my breath away. I haven't thought about it in years and now, here I am with a tear running from the corner of my eye.
Life changed a LOT for both Annette and I soon after that day. In fact, that may have been one of the last truly "alive, wild and free" moments in both our lives for many years to come. That shining moment happened very near a transitional time in both our stories. It was the end of "innocence" and the beginning of a season that was extremely dark--full of hate, pain and fear.
I know the power of nostalgia. I know that looking back, particularly that many years ago, things are "colored" and the truth of the moment is distorted, but WOW, the wave that swept over me was intense. I was catching a glimpse of a "different, younger me". A glimpse of myself... "before" I became who I am today. Before the booze, the drugs, the lost hours, days, months and years. Before being locked up. Before the medication... I'm once again seeing all of that.
The rest of the afternoon was wonderful. I had a long talk with my aunt Louise and uncle Roy. I also talked with my cousins--with Bryan, the youngest (I remember the day he was born and now he is engaged to be married... DAMN!)--with Julie and Lori, both now married, Lori with a 1 year old son and yes--with Annette.
We were outside taking pictures when she handed her camera to her sister Lori and said, "Take a picture of Kurt and me". While Lori go the camera ready, Annette and I stood on the sidewalk together and she asked, "So how are you?"
At that moment, I realized I had no idea how to answer her. I was glad that about that time Lori yelled, "Say cheese!", as it gave me a moment to think. After a couple of pictures were snapped, I told Annette I couldn't possibly sum up the past 20 years in a single conversation. She smiled and said, "Me neither... We'll just have to talk more frequently!"
We exchanged email addresses, and parted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Yesterday I was able to write to her. I told her a bit of the story my life has been since that day, and about the surprising memory seeing her again had evoked in me.
It is good to remember. Though bittersweet--it is good indeed.
Let me tell you a story...
This past Sunday I drove to a little town in northern Indiana to celebrate to 40th wedding anniversary of my mom's sister and her husband. Although I have never been particularly close to anyone on that side of the family, I decided to go for two main reasons. First, my aunt Louise has MS and will likely not be much longer on this earth. Second, I simply hadn't seen many of these people for years and years.
After arriving, we all sat in the small community center, drinking punch, watching as others arrived when suddenly, in walked my oldest cousin Annette. I hadn't seen her in 15 plus years. She took off her sunglasses, looked around the room, noticed me, flashed a wide smile and suddenly I was caught up in a memory...
I am 17 again. I have traveled back in time more than 1/2 my lifetime ago in an instant... Annette is 16, with a brand new drivers license and a fast little green convertable MG. Blue sky. Summer sun. Acres of green fields flashing by. Wind blowing wildly as two teen-agers roar down the road, top down, radio cranked.
Annette and I... wild, alive and free. Both of us at the brink of adulthood. Both of us caught in the maelstrom that the late teens so often are. Both of us the oldest kid in our family, with all of the attendant expectations that go with that. Both of us more than a little on the rebellious side. Both of us just wanting to be free...
I have no idea how or why we were out that day together. It's the only time I remember the two of us ever being alone together. Regardless, that day we were, and it was perfect. We laughed, and talked and shared ice cream. We drove crazy-fast on back country roads and sang along with the radio at the top of our lungs. We kissed that day. A warm, wonderful, innocent kiss that ended with a smile and a blush (we were cousins after all...)
I see this all with crystal clarity. I am caught up in that moment, 20 years after the fact, and it takes my breath away. I haven't thought about it in years and now, here I am with a tear running from the corner of my eye.
Life changed a LOT for both Annette and I soon after that day. In fact, that may have been one of the last truly "alive, wild and free" moments in both our lives for many years to come. That shining moment happened very near a transitional time in both our stories. It was the end of "innocence" and the beginning of a season that was extremely dark--full of hate, pain and fear.
I know the power of nostalgia. I know that looking back, particularly that many years ago, things are "colored" and the truth of the moment is distorted, but WOW, the wave that swept over me was intense. I was catching a glimpse of a "different, younger me". A glimpse of myself... "before" I became who I am today. Before the booze, the drugs, the lost hours, days, months and years. Before being locked up. Before the medication... I'm once again seeing all of that.
The rest of the afternoon was wonderful. I had a long talk with my aunt Louise and uncle Roy. I also talked with my cousins--with Bryan, the youngest (I remember the day he was born and now he is engaged to be married... DAMN!)--with Julie and Lori, both now married, Lori with a 1 year old son and yes--with Annette.
We were outside taking pictures when she handed her camera to her sister Lori and said, "Take a picture of Kurt and me". While Lori go the camera ready, Annette and I stood on the sidewalk together and she asked, "So how are you?"
At that moment, I realized I had no idea how to answer her. I was glad that about that time Lori yelled, "Say cheese!", as it gave me a moment to think. After a couple of pictures were snapped, I told Annette I couldn't possibly sum up the past 20 years in a single conversation. She smiled and said, "Me neither... We'll just have to talk more frequently!"
We exchanged email addresses, and parted with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Yesterday I was able to write to her. I told her a bit of the story my life has been since that day, and about the surprising memory seeing her again had evoked in me.
It is good to remember. Though bittersweet--it is good indeed.
kraven:
thannk you sooo much for your kind words on my set!!! i am very thankful you took the time out to lok it over and leave it some love!! i am glad you liked it!!! have a great day hun!
eden:
thank you for your sweet comment on my newest set!