I was in Maine for the weekend with mom. I ate a lot of lobster which made me very happy!! And walked the beach 4 miles every day. I fucking love the beach.
I would do anything to just live on the water. But I don't see that happening anytime soon.
But mi madre and I had a nice time.
My heart has an empty space in it. A friend, someone who I cared about is returning to Cali today. Made me very sad. It is the best for him. He wasn't happy here. But I will miss hanging with him. We always had a good time! And we always met new people when we went out together it was odd.
So, the other thing that has me feeling a little off today -- to get to Maine I had to go to my hometown (i.e. mom's house). And they have such cheap stores there, so I ran into this one store and heard someone say my name. I turned around to see someone from my highschool class. Which wasn't a problem because I liked highschool.
But we do the usual what are you doing, where are you..blah, blah, blah and then he says so you are wild huh?
And I was like what? And he said Yeah, so and so showed me your myspace, all the leather and chains....i was like oh that is just modeling. But the conversation got weird then and we departed.
I don't know i just feel weird that now all the Bolton people are thinking of me as this whips and chains girl. I mean I do like whips and chains, but there is more to me than that.
I don't know just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.....made me feel weird.
I am totally trying to figure out tomorrow. I want to go slobberknocking, but just found out there are free theater tickets being given at trivia. Plus I am supposed to go to a friends party. What is a girl to do?
Damn.
So, no work today. And a nice ride back from Maine, where I bought 20 pairs of underwear and five books!
Added bonus: On vaca I started to read "Good In Bed" which is a really good book. But the point is my friend Jess brought it to me when I was in the hospital, in it I found our pics of us in Cancun at age 21.
Why did she bring those you ask?
Eric had convinced me I was fat. Before I went in I was down to 115 lbs. Very skinny. I was working out like a fiend and eating things that had no calories. He said he was jealous of the men who had me in highschool because I was hotter then.
Since I was in the hospital I gained five pounds.
When I got to the hospital I had to plan my menus. I was still under his spell originally. I picked steamed veggies and broth. No lie. I didn't eat and ran on the treadmill. As I got better I asked to redo my menu to make it more healthy.
I loved being so thin, my breasts shrunk to a size A, they are back to a C. But it reminded when I saw the pics the other night, that i was so thin then. So tired, so weak. Working out was all I had. it was my drug, my escape the way to get him back and he wanted me back once I lost the weight.
He had me over, fucked me again and again, loved my new body.
But I realize now how thin I was. Not Karen Carpenter thin, but very thin. And it worked. But i will never do that again. I will find someone who will not make me worry about my physical beauty, because they will love me for my entirety.
I would do anything to just live on the water. But I don't see that happening anytime soon.
But mi madre and I had a nice time.
My heart has an empty space in it. A friend, someone who I cared about is returning to Cali today. Made me very sad. It is the best for him. He wasn't happy here. But I will miss hanging with him. We always had a good time! And we always met new people when we went out together it was odd.
So, the other thing that has me feeling a little off today -- to get to Maine I had to go to my hometown (i.e. mom's house). And they have such cheap stores there, so I ran into this one store and heard someone say my name. I turned around to see someone from my highschool class. Which wasn't a problem because I liked highschool.
But we do the usual what are you doing, where are you..blah, blah, blah and then he says so you are wild huh?
And I was like what? And he said Yeah, so and so showed me your myspace, all the leather and chains....i was like oh that is just modeling. But the conversation got weird then and we departed.
I don't know i just feel weird that now all the Bolton people are thinking of me as this whips and chains girl. I mean I do like whips and chains, but there is more to me than that.
I don't know just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.....made me feel weird.
I am totally trying to figure out tomorrow. I want to go slobberknocking, but just found out there are free theater tickets being given at trivia. Plus I am supposed to go to a friends party. What is a girl to do?
Damn.
So, no work today. And a nice ride back from Maine, where I bought 20 pairs of underwear and five books!
Added bonus: On vaca I started to read "Good In Bed" which is a really good book. But the point is my friend Jess brought it to me when I was in the hospital, in it I found our pics of us in Cancun at age 21.
Why did she bring those you ask?
Eric had convinced me I was fat. Before I went in I was down to 115 lbs. Very skinny. I was working out like a fiend and eating things that had no calories. He said he was jealous of the men who had me in highschool because I was hotter then.
Since I was in the hospital I gained five pounds.
When I got to the hospital I had to plan my menus. I was still under his spell originally. I picked steamed veggies and broth. No lie. I didn't eat and ran on the treadmill. As I got better I asked to redo my menu to make it more healthy.
I loved being so thin, my breasts shrunk to a size A, they are back to a C. But it reminded when I saw the pics the other night, that i was so thin then. So tired, so weak. Working out was all I had. it was my drug, my escape the way to get him back and he wanted me back once I lost the weight.
He had me over, fucked me again and again, loved my new body.
But I realize now how thin I was. Not Karen Carpenter thin, but very thin. And it worked. But i will never do that again. I will find someone who will not make me worry about my physical beauty, because they will love me for my entirety.
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girlfriends and condoms. I was still laughing at it on the way home.