kushielsscion

I'm a compassionate person. But I'm also a cold bastard. And I'm getting colder. The more compassionate I am toward people, the more I realize that most of them don't deserve it and will never appreciate it. It doesn't make me feel good to help someone work through a problem only to have them jump back into the same kind of problem five minutes later.

It's too bad I'm not a lame enough kind of guy to take advantage of people when I see them down. There have been so many times where if I'd have just lied a little bit I would have gotten whatever I wanted, at least for a little while. Instead I chose to tell the truth, helped them out, and watched people give the only things they have worth giving to the next lying bastard who comes along.

Every day that goes by my heart get a little smaller, a little colder. I get more inflexible and more set in my opinions and hardline ethics. And I get more disgusted with the world around me.

Once in a while I'll meet a kindred spirit, but we've become loners by nature and even when we see someone we should open up to we cautiously shy away fearing the jaws of the trap.

It's sad that survival means figuring out how to be happy all by one's self. I'm learning though. And I'm getting better at it everyday. As long as most people want to go one being the way they are I don't fucking need them.