I have poison oak on my face. Not too much. Just on one of my cheeks. But the mother fucker itches like fuck. Wakes me up all night with the intensity of the itchiness. It must have been doing all the poison oak laundry. I probably touched my face while doing it. I tried not to.
I saw Saw II & Phantom of the Opera this week. I loved them both. I have Sin City here to watch too. I have my Sex & the City first season dvd I have been watching. I bought Eternal Sunshine on vhs, brand new for $1.99 at Grocery Outlet... nice.
Today is boring. Tomorrow is the apartment inspections & I have been cleaning all day. I hear everyone vacuuming. I hear everyone cleaning. My hands sting. My house smells like cleaning stuff. I am bored. Like totally, fur sure, to the max.
But, outside it is overcast & alittle cool. These are my favorite type of days. It is so much like my constant inner mood.
I saw Saw II & Phantom of the Opera this week. I loved them both. I have Sin City here to watch too. I have my Sex & the City first season dvd I have been watching. I bought Eternal Sunshine on vhs, brand new for $1.99 at Grocery Outlet... nice.
Today is boring. Tomorrow is the apartment inspections & I have been cleaning all day. I hear everyone vacuuming. I hear everyone cleaning. My hands sting. My house smells like cleaning stuff. I am bored. Like totally, fur sure, to the max.
But, outside it is overcast & alittle cool. These are my favorite type of days. It is so much like my constant inner mood.
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My favorite is overcast too. It makes me feel safe. I like when I can wear at least three layers of clothing. Preferrably one of them puffy. It's all sunny and shit here. I mean, if I felt better and if I didn't kind of, in my lesser moments, hate the way my body looks right now, I'd enjoy the sun a little more. But right now it's just kind of reminding me of all the well people out there doing the athletic stuff I used to do and not ever having to worry about their medicine and shit.
Dood. It got pretty bad while I was away from SG. I started having these bad panic attacks and stuff. Had to go to the emergency room and everything. It was bunk.
And the worst part was that because I wasn't "harming" myself, none of the "help" at my HMO could kick in. So finally I cut this tiny little heart into the inside of my wrist and called them back and said "yeah, yeah, I'm bleeding" and then they finally admitted me and gave me some anti-anxiety meds (or some shit..who knows anymore).
The meds really helped me though. I'm pretty damn good right now - keeping up with my classes and going days without nightmares. The good thing about all of it is that it spurred me to start talking more in therapy and my therapist did the coolest thing! She was like "you know, aks, you've really had some very traumatic experiences in your life. Your life has been a pretty tough one. Why don't you do some EMDR?" (EMDR is a desensitizing treatment that they use to help combat vets get over their PTSD).
It was the best thing ever. I mean, somebody finally validated my experiences in life, you know? Somebody finally said it might make sense for me to feel the way I do.
I think just having that one exchange with her is going to make things a lot easier in the future.
Be dilligent about the calamine lotion!