kjj0013

Is buttcheeks one word?

Or should I spread it apart?

Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to." Frodo: "You‘re not fooling anyone, that was premature ejaculation and you know it."

Anyone going to Wizard World Columbus this weekend

The last couple of days I've been feeling really empty inside.....these new laxatives are workin wonders!

Earlier today

Me: do you smell something?

Mom: No.

Me: well then get your ass in the kitchen and start dinner

Anyway, I'll be back on Facebook later I just woke up on the floor with a headache and a black eye

so I'm at the BMV getting my new ID and in front of me is a blind man with one of those feeler canes(i dont know the correct term) and he's with his wife who has a seeing eye dog. why the hell was my initial thought. "Does the fucking dog drive?"

Marriage = Betting someone half your stuff that you'll love them forever.

I woke up screaming this morning. Then I had to apologize to everyone in the staff meeting.

its impossible to think about Uptown Funk without getting it stuck in your head. Don't believe me?......just watch