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The fact that jellyfish have survived for 165 million years without a brain gives hope to the next generation.

pheny:
yeah whoo I'm going to be OK!

I've dieted and worked out enough to realize that the only way I'm getting smokin' hot is by getting cremated.

Life is a marathon. That's why I'm carb loading.

“Say one more motherfucking word and imam stand up and beat your fuckin’ ass”

–Stephen Hawking-

I'M SORRY TO BRAG! BUT I HAD THE BEST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE EARLIER!!!!!!!!

I HAD A THREESOME!!! There were a couple no shows but i still had fun

Some days it just doesn’t pay to chew through the restraints.

They say you never forget your first kiss. This was mine...

I was 15 and her name was Jessie. She lived next door to us and she was my best friend... well, for all of that summer at least. We were inseparable and spent every waking moment together.

So one day we were out playing down by the farm, and we‘d stopped for shelter...
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KYLE’S PICKUP LINE OF THE DAY!!!!!!
Wanna enjoy the biggest girth on earth?

I‘ve heard that in a life-or-death survival situation, you can drink your own urine.

Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.

I hate when people watch me masturbate. It’s like “come on. Keep your eyes up there on the priest giving his sermon and leave me alone”

I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
kjj0013:
it would totally help us out lol
wizard0:
Poll the audience!  Phone a friend!