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I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.

i could really go for a blowjob right about now

Well I didn’t get the job. Apparently “helicopter dick” is not an appropriate special talent I have to do the job

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"Gay People are an abomination to God. Marriage is between a man and a woman and my sisters and the girls from Ashley Madison and that stripper"
-Josh Duggar-

hey, how come the headlines dont read

BLACK man shoots & kills 2 unarmed WHITE people and injures another on live television?

i sure as shit know if the shooter was the white and the reporters were black the headline would read a little different than
"Gunman shoots & kills 2 people on live television

‪#‎WhiteLivesMatter‬

I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of old elderberries

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
topaz_:
😂 never gets old
libris:
My greatest moment in life is when I went to Doune Castle and yelled that off the top. 

Hey hey let's go 喧嘩する
大切なもの protect my balls
ぼくがわるい so let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!

KYLE'S COMIC CON PICKUP LINES!!!!!
That's a great Frozen cosplay and once I get a hold of that booty I wont want to LETTT IT GOOOO!!!!

VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
highkat:
Hahahah 😭😂
zephyrine:
😂