I won't consider myself successful until someone follows me around with a cooler of gatorade to dump over my head whenever I win at anything.
stellarmorta:
Accurate
The 7 days I spent volunteering at the nudist colony was definitely the hardest week of my life
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints.
I asked the Lord why, and He replied "sand people ride single file to hide their numbers"
I can tell how uncomfortable a person is just by hugging them for 18 minutes
Don't get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I'll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice
arroezze:
It is China after all.
Allow your children to believe in Santa Claus. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining the magic for you .
I was told I was getting to fat and needed a trainer. So I hired one. It's been a week and I can already. Sit, Stay and Handshake
I'm not gay, but I know lots about not having sex with women.
Describe to me what your breasts look like using only pictures of them
Instead of carrying around a condom in my wallet I carry a moist towelette. Cuz I run into chicken wings more than I do sex
star:
š Iād rather run into chicken wings, too