At the grocery store: milk - check, eggs - check, bread - check. Clerk: Sir, please stop writing separate checks for every single item
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave
I was gonna tell a time travel joke, but you didn't like it
enjoy the similarities and respect the differences of those around you
I have all the world's knowledge at the very tips of my fingers where I can find the answers to lifes most perplexing questions and im googling "What did Oscar the Grouch do if he overslept ontrash day?"
Studies show young people are having less sex than previous generations. I knew I was ahead of my time