kjj0013

my lack of knowledge about Greek Mythology is my Achilles Elbow

Today I got called a fat, ugly, bitch who couldn't get a pity lay if I had a $100 hanging from my zipper.

That's the last time I play Go Fish with my grandma. She can't take losing

I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you're pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things

Wanna get some amusement today?

Tell your grandma to make sure she rewinds that DVD before she puts it away.

Found this at the grocery and it looked interesting... Boy is it yummy!!!

Im sick and tired and being told I can't sleep naked. It's my body. It's my business. These Taco Bell employees need to mind their own business

I think my soulmate got swallowed

Got in the shower only to realize i had forgotten the new bottle of body wash on the kitchen counter. Because I was already naked and wet so i decided to use the 2in1 shampoo & conditioner instead. I don't feel as clean as i should be but my pubic hair is shiny and has bounce.

Never argue with a woman who's holding your wiener

guys, to avoid any arguments about the toilet seat just use the sink

If you get too close to radiation in a comic book, you become Spiderman, if you get too close to it in real life, you get visited by Spiderman.