Well, I don't know why I said "we're" if there is not us in here. Just me.
The subject of todays entry is going to be "Why if you are a whore, you have to be stealing lemons from people's prized lemon trees?"
No, I'm not going to write about that ridiculous porn of the Lemon Stealing Whores. That'd be too much, but I have to say that It's the only porn that I couldn't masturbate to. Oh, and that one with the girl getting fucked inside an inflatable pool full of spaghetti.
Yeah, I get curious sometimes.
So going to the point, today was a little bit of the same shit than yesterday. You know, Wake up, look at social networks, get up and take a cold shower (Not just because i'm always horny, but because there's no water heater in my house), eat, go to lay down on my bed and look at a couple of youtube videos and then plug in the old 360 and play Skyrim until it freezes and then turn on my laptop, go to listen yo old music on youtube and then post bullshit here and continuing until I eventually go to bed, watch more youtube videos or porn then try to sleep so I can begin my day tomorrow to repeat the same thing.
It's boring and it gets me more depressed every day that passes, but really I can't get a hold of myself to get out of this hole I'm in. Anyways, Today I was playing Skyrim and then the shit froze, so I turned off the ol' 360 and I laid on my bed for a while and started playing a mobile Need For Speed game I have when suddenly, I got a call! I answered and it was an old friend that I had since I was working in the call center. So he started asking me how everything was and telling me that I had to get a job and all that shit, when suddenly he popped a question of a topic I didn't wanted to be remembered of and that was "Hey, how's it everything going with your girlfriend?". That right there fucked up even more my already fucked up day. So I told him that I broke up with her and all.
The whole thing got me to think about the "What did I do that got her away from me?".
The thing with her was that she's from El Salvador, we met playing League of Legends and we talked a lot, she even had that trust with me that she even talked to me about the problems in her house and all the problems she had and we were not even a couple yet. It was somehow nice to have someone that trust you enough to tell you things like that and other things you don't tell to everyone. We were friends for a year or more, we talked everynight and we had something coming back an forth between us since the beginning.
So earlier this year we started our formal relationship, that's when everything started to change.
Since she talked to me every day when we were nothing, she started to not talk to me or even ignore the messages I sent to her. Every time I wanted to talk to her was like gambling, because you didn't knew if you were going to get something that time or not.
So since that happened my mind started to run wild and think that she was sometimes occupied or sometimes she just didn't wanted to talk to me because she was with someone else that was actually worth her time, you know like another guy.
So I talked to her and she told me that she was having some problems in her house and she was feeling down and that she was sorry and all. I told her that if she felt bad about anything I was there, no matter the time I was there to support her and listen to her (thing that went in, in one ear and came out inmediately through the other one).
We were a normal coouple the next 2 days and then she started to ignore me again, I spent the next 4 days wondering why was that and the next time I talked to her about why was that happening again she said to me "I've been having problems with my mom I didn't wanted to bother you with that", I reminded her that if she was feeling bad that I was there for her to support and listen, and that I wanted to be there for her always. So she proceeded to tell me "I also got a job, I'm the secretary of an old man from 8 to 5", I wondered why that was such a secret that she never told me. So she told me that she would be available in lunch or when she got home and that she was going to talk to me whenever she was free or when she got home. She did it, for 2 days, after that, guess what? She started ignoring me again. So I spent gambling to see if I could get a reply from her and all I was getting was nothing or just one sentence and then nothing, Like the previous times as well. So that time I got angry, sad and confused.
Is it my fault?, Am I doing something wrong?, I'm demanding too much attention?, Does she still love me?, Is she fucking with her boss and that's why she was so secretive about the job?, Is she with someone else already and that's why she ignores me?.
All that kind of paranoic shit bombarded my mind every day from the time I opened my eyes in the morning until the moment I finally fell asleep.
Until one night I snapped and told her: "Hey, we can't be together anymore. I don't know what's happening on your side, but I don't feel like you are not happy with this relationship anymore, I know you're going to find someone else fast, so I don't want you to try to contact me not even at Whatsapp or Facebook, because I don't want to see how fast you replaced me. Hopefully you'll be happy in life without me, so I wish all the happiness for your life. Goodbye".
She hit me with some last words saying that she was"crushed" and all that stuff that I actually didn't bought any word of it.
-I blocked her from Facebook and Whatsapp-
Since not even one month ago I got a new phone and when I restored all the conversations from Whatsapp I saw the last conversation we had there. In her new profile picture she looked with a mixed face of sadness, anger and disappointment. I wonder what was with her, because I don't think that the fact of me leaving her would've affected her at all.
Tonight's entry was not funny at all. Well it's not like every other one was funny, but this one was more like a venting of this that had me more troubled today.
I wonder, and you reader can tell me, don't hold back, shit on me if necessary, but tell me the truth.
Was it my fault? And if it was, What would I have to change to avoid that from happening again?
Sorry for the way longer entry, I had to vent out from this.
One last thing. I have to say is Thanks to everyone that reads and likes, or just likes my shitty entries. especially you @caraphernelia (you can ask me to remove the tag if you don't want to be tagged) you liked my 3 entries, I love you.
Goodnight and Godspeed.
