Well i got the 2 nob tattoos....what can i say, the one on the head hurt like shit but i enjoy the pain. the one on the shaft was nothing, just felt like getting an ordinary tattoo. they've almost totally healed up by now. all i need now is to meet someone in this big city. any live out here (scarborough/markham area)??? i know hardly anyone out here even to hang out with. anyways, i'm leaving friday to open up the cottage, hopefully all the ice and snow have melted by now.
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Tuesday Jul 15, 2003
what have i been doing? working, working and working even more. on we… -
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Sunday Jul 06, 2003
Ahhhh, it's been awhile. well, i'm pretty bummed. life has dealt me a… -
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Wednesday May 07, 2003
Well i got the 2 nob tattoos....what can i say, the one on the head h… -
1
Saturday May 03, 2003
Well this is it, i get the nob done today which means no play for … -
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Tuesday Apr 29, 2003
ya....drunk again...i fucked off from work early today to visit the l… -
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Thursday Apr 24, 2003
hey anyone who's there....i don't think anyone will read my journal b…
these effects here started slowly as just stronger signs of depression & caused my doc to up my dosage thinking i need more to counteract them.. it wasn't until it got severe that it finally clicked for me that the effexor was the problem. these were both during & up to after about 3mths of being completely weaned off (i started at about 75mg or so & was up to 300mg by the end).
violent thoughts
violent self-harming
anxiety
jittery
lost-time
dizzy
forgetful
distractable
disjointed thought
screaming, throwing things, violent rages
(am bipolar) triggered first 2 ever hypomania & mania spells
tunnel-vision
night-paralysis/waking nightmares/hallucinations
bizarre dreams
anxiety-based non-violent self-harm
random suicidal thoughts (no volition, just images)
"personality perception problems" (coined by the blonde counselor) for an odd fully co-conscious yet dissociating thought/behavior
other things i know i forgot......
disjointed thought
violent urges &/or rages
forgetful
lost-time
daily semi-constant anxiety
random suicidal thoughts (no volition, just images)
suicidal & self-harm thoughts when upset (little to no volition usually, again just images... occasionally volition tho)
anxiety-based urge to break things
the "personality perception problems"
and maybe more....
with correct meds, i'm now able to control the urges & anxiety on a daily basis and even have some good days... but it's always with me & sneaks up if my good med starts failing.. i basically came out of it w/300% more problems after effexor than i had prior. and the problems look to be permanent. i have noticeable, daily, diminshed mental capacity.. i can feel that i'm slower & being so forget and losing time are scary sometimes.
oh, and i forgot, i also wet the bed twice (ON my husband, dear god lol) while first weaning and then a few months later. thank god that went away lol... oh, the bonding moments of marriage....
[Edited on May 07, 2003]