inkdpanda

I figured out what has made me unstable like crazy(to put it midely) for 7 weeks-depakote. I didn't take it for the past 2 nights and I am a totally different person. I don't cycle, and i'm not even depressed(even after not being on an anti-depressent for 7+ weeks). It is such a relief, change, and revelation as to how I have changed in only 2 days. I speak to my dad everyday and he can't belive missing 2 doses caused such a radical change. I'm happy for the first time in my life, not even manic or hypo-manic but just happy. I've also confused mania for happiness and that there is no such thing as happiness without mania but i'm finally feeling just happy. it's and odd and unfamiliar feeling, but one that I am totally comfortable with not just as a feeling, but as myself as a whole in general.

I'm going to apologize to all of the people who have read my previous blogs that made it so depressing, intense, uncomfortable and worried. I've looked through my previous blog entries and have seen a total deteriation of how i was before. I miss posting pics of pandas and updating the positives of my life; I hope i can return to that soon, but this is not the blog for it. I feel like my video blogs are one of the best views of how I am doing, in my tone of voice(best way to know how i am doing) and my body language which is different drastically from the high energy and being full of life that it used to be. I don't want my blog and SG identity to be known as an unstable deteriorating member. I want to have fun here, post good, rich, and positive blogs.

I have been thinking alot that it has been 1 year and a month since i first got all my tattoos. it feels just like yesterday, and I know I am long overdue for one. Tattoos mean so much to me, and just recollecting on the way it made me feel getting one, the feel of it, and the excitement of showing it off. I think i'm going to get a job at my local bar as a door-man just to make some quick cash for my panda tattoo that I never got way back when(it is funny that lack of tattoo and that process seems so much more far away then getting all the tattoos I have haha.)

I know I can be honest here, but I know there is a limit, thank you for your continued support in my life and the friendships I have made here. I love SG, it has been the one place I feel home since i started in February.

Thank you for your time.

Best Regards,

~Panda