incompetent

okay, so i just found a webpage that i made when i was 15. now i had a lot of different interests then, but there was big section on it that i had devoted to spilling out all the details of my incompetence and self-disgust. it was bratty, whiney, obnoxious and completely off the mark. i couldn't believe i actually thought of myself that way.... maybe i didn't actually think those things, and really was just grasping for some kind of reassurance of the positive things about me.

and i realized that it would be ridiculous for me to recognize how inane the things i said 7 years ago were, without percieving the similar level of asinine self-contempt clearly documented in my last few journal entires. in 7 years, i have made zero emotional progress when it comes to issues of confidence and self-worth. i am constantly in need of reassurance from the people around me... it's no wonder they tire so quickly. it's hard to deal with someone with the emotional maturity of a fucking 15 year old, no matter how patient they are.

but i know now that there must be something that keeps them around, as a tradeoff to that kind of whinebaggery. something else must be pretty awesome about me. i don't know what it is, but as long as everyone else does, then i'm not worried about it. i simply don't suck that much... the only part that sucks is the part that thinks i do. which i've decided i'm getting rid of.