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the past few weeks have really sucked but I guess it's all my fault anyhow. So I shouldn't be bitching. My husband hates me and I don't blame him and I wish he would be happy. But I don't think I can give that to him or anyone else. It just seems like no matter what I do or say I get ignored anyhow so I just say screw it and quit putting forth any effort because it's not worth it. I'm sitting here crying like a retard, like it's going to help but I can't help it. I wish things weren't such a mess. I just wonder why I am so fucking stupid and worthless sometimes. I always seem to manage to screw something up, or maybe that is just my perception since I have a horrible habit on thriving on perfection. Don't get me wrong, I can take any kind of negative criticism you can dish out to me but what I expect of myself is to not have any flaws. I do know that is impossible but when you are taught that in life there isn't time or room for mistakes you get caught up in this vicious cycle of trying to please everyone and making sure everything is in place and in perfect order. I know I must sound like a complete nut job and truthfully I am. I have an eating disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder and the ironic thing is that probably none of it would be present in my life if the word "perfection" wasn't ingrained in my subconsious or my vocabulary. Now to totally change the subject and look on the bright side... at least I DID have a pretty decent birthday.