its 4:30 AM here and I should be asleep. unfortunately, my sleep schedule has been all kinds of fucked up for the past few weeks. sometimes I get tired around 1 AM. sometimes its 5 AM. I might wake up at 5 AM or noon, sleep for 4 hours, 8 hours, even 12+ hours. its all unpredictable and quite annoying.
so this past Monday, I had a call from one of the jobs I applied to. however, they left no message. a few e-mails later, and I find out that the call was a courtesy call to say "Thank you very much for your interest, however, we are going to pursue other candidates." fuck, it seems that every job I've applied for, I got rejected without an interview! hell, I applied for a job that asked for a Masters and one year experience. here's me, a Masters degree, almost a second Masters degree and FIVE years experience in the field. yes, 2 years off, but still, FIVE f*cking years of experience! what do I get? the letter saying "Thank you very much, but we're extending the job offer to someone else". and this place was hiring for TWO positions!
this seriously does suck!
so where does it leave me? I'm going back. one final go-at-it. one final semester. I succeed or fail this time....and its my last chance. the placements are more "rural" settings. about 1 1/2 hours or so from where I live. damn it! that's going to suck!
and what else? went gambling Monday. I lost $55 in about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. my mom, on the other hand, walked in with about $150 and walked out with about $900 total. mind you, she let others play on her money as well (said others lost it all). the nice part is she paid me back some money she owed me, so I'm getting my Air Conditioning fixed in my car now. and having some money. but damn it, overdrew my account (3 times)....so now they took about over $100 in fees. and since I worked less hours than normal last week, my paycheck was smaller than I normally get....I have about $25 left in my account and $75 for insurance due! thankfully, I get paid weekly and I should have money left over after the A/C is fixed. and if I'm really lucky, the A/C will fall under the warranty and I won't have to pay at all (yeah, I wish!).
but, well, outside of that, still bummed with everything. I have to do financial aid stuff now...another $9,000 of debt to take on! seriously, I'm getting to the point where I won't be able to have a small apartment and pay my bills! this royally sucks!
why did I do so much school again? for the fun and thrill of it? or because I'm simply lost in what I want to do and floating around, hoping to find something of interest when I really have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing? I would bet on the latter.
yup, right now, I seriously feel lost in my life....and no way of finding direction. just no idea what I'm doing anymore.
and I tell you right now, that feeling sucks!
so wish me luck...hopefully I'll be happier tomorrow, or the day after. at the very least, Lennon is in Buffalo on Wednesday, I'm going, so that's something to look forward to. about the only thing right now, though.
seriously, when did life get so complicated, and how can I get it uncomplicated?
so this past Monday, I had a call from one of the jobs I applied to. however, they left no message. a few e-mails later, and I find out that the call was a courtesy call to say "Thank you very much for your interest, however, we are going to pursue other candidates." fuck, it seems that every job I've applied for, I got rejected without an interview! hell, I applied for a job that asked for a Masters and one year experience. here's me, a Masters degree, almost a second Masters degree and FIVE years experience in the field. yes, 2 years off, but still, FIVE f*cking years of experience! what do I get? the letter saying "Thank you very much, but we're extending the job offer to someone else". and this place was hiring for TWO positions!
this seriously does suck!
so where does it leave me? I'm going back. one final go-at-it. one final semester. I succeed or fail this time....and its my last chance. the placements are more "rural" settings. about 1 1/2 hours or so from where I live. damn it! that's going to suck!
and what else? went gambling Monday. I lost $55 in about 1 1/2 to 2 hours. my mom, on the other hand, walked in with about $150 and walked out with about $900 total. mind you, she let others play on her money as well (said others lost it all). the nice part is she paid me back some money she owed me, so I'm getting my Air Conditioning fixed in my car now. and having some money. but damn it, overdrew my account (3 times)....so now they took about over $100 in fees. and since I worked less hours than normal last week, my paycheck was smaller than I normally get....I have about $25 left in my account and $75 for insurance due! thankfully, I get paid weekly and I should have money left over after the A/C is fixed. and if I'm really lucky, the A/C will fall under the warranty and I won't have to pay at all (yeah, I wish!).
but, well, outside of that, still bummed with everything. I have to do financial aid stuff now...another $9,000 of debt to take on! seriously, I'm getting to the point where I won't be able to have a small apartment and pay my bills! this royally sucks!
why did I do so much school again? for the fun and thrill of it? or because I'm simply lost in what I want to do and floating around, hoping to find something of interest when I really have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing? I would bet on the latter.
yup, right now, I seriously feel lost in my life....and no way of finding direction. just no idea what I'm doing anymore.
and I tell you right now, that feeling sucks!
so wish me luck...hopefully I'll be happier tomorrow, or the day after. at the very least, Lennon is in Buffalo on Wednesday, I'm going, so that's something to look forward to. about the only thing right now, though.
seriously, when did life get so complicated, and how can I get it uncomplicated?
miss_cellophane:
Heya, boy do I know what you mean.... lol, refer to my latest blog. 
raleigh1:
Wow...I know all about weird sleeping habits right now. Geezz...we have alot in common. School, debt...blahhh. I hope things get better for you really soon. 