friggin' today, WTF, why is it so hard for me to identify emotions? what the fuck is wrong with me that I can't say an emotion when asked "So what were you feeling in that parent meeting?"
see, Tuesday, there was a HEATED parent conference where the mother and daughter were arguing big time. I sat back quietly. so today, processing, my supervisor asked me "What kind of emotions were you feeling?"
I struggled with this question. it took time and time. I could say thoughts, but not feelings. I fucking struggled big time to identify anything!
and there were very little. nada. zip. I almost think I was an emotional void at the meeting!
the next day, meeting with the student. wanted to add stuff. but still waiting for permission. fucking hell.
seriously, how the fuck am I expected to ask others what they are feeling when I can't figure it out myself? I would think that a mother and daughter arguing, where the Assistant Principal is speechless and has no clue what to do or say, and I have no emotional reaction to it?
is there something that seriously wrong with me?
fucking hell. people wonder why I sometimes doubt I can do this thing called "counseling". well, if I can't figure out or identify my own emotions, how the hell can I figure out the emotions of others? I don't have anything to judge or base it on!
and I have to figure out how to figure this shit out in a few months....how the fuck is that going to happen? as my supervisor told me, "We have about 4 months for you to go from student to colleague....or else you become someone else's student."
it seriously fucking blows that what is holding me back from this job is not the information or the understanding or the intellgence. I'm being held back by my fucking inability to be a whole person. I'm so fractured in so many ways....I've hidden deep down inside of me my feelings and emotions that I don't know if I can find them anymore!
fucking hell, some days, I do wish I chose something easier. astrophysicist. rocket science. anything.
but noooo, I choose a profession where I sometimes wonder if I'm made for it. do I have the "stuff" to actually be a counselor?
if this past week is an indication, guessing I spent four years and about $80,000 on a career path that I can't fucking do!
He also doen't have plates and cups in there, I won't tolerate that, so I have managed to get that message across. One thing that does bug me is that he keeps complaining cd's are being broken.......so pick the bloody things up then. How difficult would that be?
Take care.
Oh, by the way, I've got rebel on my myspace so I've messaged her about the group, she's on there every now and again, so we'll see what she has to say.