well, today, I re-start counseling. kind of odd, the Internship Coordinator says she feels that I need to take a step or two backwards to move forward. unlock all this energy I have keeping my feelings down. stuff like that.
kind of anxious, but could be kind of good. growing up in a household where no one wants to hear about what I have to say, and being told my effort was never good enough, it wears on you. I guess my mom had good intentions, but when I bring home Honor Roll in High School (being accelerated in Science, Math, English, Social Studies, and Foreign Language as well), being told "With a little bit of effort, you know, you would be High Honor Roll." I eventually just kept Honor Roll to shut her up.
college, ditto. the entire (when graduating, first one of her children, first one in my family really, well, second to an Uncle who got his Bachelors), she tells me "You should have graduated a semester early, but you screwed that up."
yeah, that kind of sucks. and when my uncle died (suicide), instead of saying "Go ahead, break down, its okay, this sucks." I got (when I finally broke down, after about 9 hours) "You have to be strong tomorrow, pull yourself together, you can't do this tomorrow in front of Patrice."
okay, so basically I'm not good enough, I don't do enough, and I don't get to feel. nice messages to receive growing up, huh? and being someone who is kind of sensitive, and has deep feelings that I keep inside, what better ways to make a socially inept, somewhat screwed up kid than that, huh?
so yeah, this should be interesting. at age 30, having more social support on this website than I do in real life (my family is, well, for social support, my cousin and his wife. its hard to get social support from a 4 year old and 2 year old, their 2 sons). so this should be interesting. wish me luck on this!
and, to start it all off, I shaved. goatee is gone. for how long, I'm not sure!
so how is everyone else out there in SG land? for me, not too much else. work and internship and class, that's about it. I have had Lennon's CD "Damaged Goods" playing in my car for the past few weeks. okay, actually a copy I made (of the CD I own). I don't want to risk damaging it in my car. I wonder if a CD can wear out from over use. we might see soon!
and that's about all. Happy Halloween all. I get to work. and then come home and sleep. waking up at 5:30 AM sucks sometimes, you know?
kind of anxious, but could be kind of good. growing up in a household where no one wants to hear about what I have to say, and being told my effort was never good enough, it wears on you. I guess my mom had good intentions, but when I bring home Honor Roll in High School (being accelerated in Science, Math, English, Social Studies, and Foreign Language as well), being told "With a little bit of effort, you know, you would be High Honor Roll." I eventually just kept Honor Roll to shut her up.
college, ditto. the entire (when graduating, first one of her children, first one in my family really, well, second to an Uncle who got his Bachelors), she tells me "You should have graduated a semester early, but you screwed that up."
yeah, that kind of sucks. and when my uncle died (suicide), instead of saying "Go ahead, break down, its okay, this sucks." I got (when I finally broke down, after about 9 hours) "You have to be strong tomorrow, pull yourself together, you can't do this tomorrow in front of Patrice."
okay, so basically I'm not good enough, I don't do enough, and I don't get to feel. nice messages to receive growing up, huh? and being someone who is kind of sensitive, and has deep feelings that I keep inside, what better ways to make a socially inept, somewhat screwed up kid than that, huh?
so yeah, this should be interesting. at age 30, having more social support on this website than I do in real life (my family is, well, for social support, my cousin and his wife. its hard to get social support from a 4 year old and 2 year old, their 2 sons). so this should be interesting. wish me luck on this!
and, to start it all off, I shaved. goatee is gone. for how long, I'm not sure!
so how is everyone else out there in SG land? for me, not too much else. work and internship and class, that's about it. I have had Lennon's CD "Damaged Goods" playing in my car for the past few weeks. okay, actually a copy I made (of the CD I own). I don't want to risk damaging it in my car. I wonder if a CD can wear out from over use. we might see soon!
and that's about all. Happy Halloween all. I get to work. and then come home and sleep. waking up at 5:30 AM sucks sometimes, you know?
my mom is bi polar and parinoid scitzophrenic Either isn't too bad alone but combined is very rare. She is bad enough the University of Pitsburgh Medical wanted to study the effects she had on us growing up.
Best way to describe it is a meth head on acid.