hellstorm

Not a happy journal post:

" In the dark a distant runner
Now has disappeared into the night
Leaving us to stand and wonder
Staring from this end into your life

You believed in things that I will never know
You were out there drowning but it never showed
'Til inside a rainswept night you just let go"

-Savatage
"Alone You Breathe"

today is the one year anniversary of my uncle's suicide. still so much that doesn't make sense. and lots of things missed.

the person any could talk to. the person with the advice for any situation (it seemed). the person there who showed you the meaning of the words "Help your fellow man."

he killed himself one year ago today. the body was found one year ago 3 days from now. he worked up an elaborate rig so he was up in a tree where he couldn't be found easily. proof that he planned things out.

so now the family picks up the pieces of our lives. his widow is still dealing with things. our family doesn't really talk about stuff. I have all the emotions and feelings bottled up, waiting for the right person to come into my life to bring it out (my family doesn't like talking about this kind of stuff).

so I go to my internship today (the one where I was told that School Counseling might not be the most appropriate career for me) and my class on conflict management. I get ready for a job interview tomorrow.

and hope the feelings remain locked away until that day where someone is there for me.