halx

When I was in high school, I learned that my best friend since first grade was gay. It was a shock because he had always been a vulgar, macho kid... and suddenly he was a sissy. We lived in different cities at this time, and I spent much of my high school years on the phone with him, talking him out of suicide. He was a pudgy guy whose dad had died and whose mother sat around doing nothing except slowly drain the life insurance policy. I went to visit him in his new home a few times and always felt more civilized in comparison to how he kept his room.

He showed me porn that he liked and I absorbed it in a scholarly sense, but secretly I was turned on by it. I kept asking to see more or to see it again. I eventually learned to find it myself. Eventually I admitted to my friend to being curious about discovering if I was bisexual. We decided to experiment one day when he was in my town to visit.

The experiment was bad. I didn't like it at all.

So, I shelved those thoughts for years. Until recently.

Lately, I've been more horny than I've been in years. There is a direct relationship to my level of horniness and the reach of my perversion. So, I've been finding a lot of new things that turn me on, and many of them have bisexual inclinations. Notably, the combination of both male and female aspects. It wasn't until I made a joke to a friend about a clone's usefulness in masturbation that I realized my curiosity once more.

Now, a few days later, I am still curious. I have carefully and fairly evaluated my thoughts on this, realizing my extremely small window of attraction for the same sex. While females can fit any number of descriptions to incite my fancy, I have a very specific ideal for males. Even in theory, I'm not sure if I can find them attractive, but I know that I am turned on by the sexuality of the porn I've seen. I don't like hair, I don't like muscles, I don't like fat, I don't like masculinity, I don't like fraternity, I don't like circumcision, I don't like tiny endowments. I especially don't like flaming gayness.

What I want is a smooth, skinny guy with a baby-face, big uncut dick and quiet humble personality. Only then... only then could I be comfortable to experiment. Tall order, eh? I don't even want sex, I just want to play and touch and fiddle and poke. I don't think that I need an answer for the question of if I am bisexual or not. To me, I am simply sexual, and I require new and different things to excite me.

The question for me is.. how do I explore this curiosity safely and effectively?