gayballs

on thursday night, on a whim, I went to see Imaad Wasif.
The set was awesome, even if i couldn't stay to the end. I had to work the next morning, sadly. but anyway,
it was fucking great. he was great, even if he was the thinnest person i've ever seen and that made me a little uncomfortable.



it's sunday morning. I'm in a cafe that i'm mildly disappointed to find out is called STUMPTOWN. The thing is, I've been here before. 3 times. And it's been my favorite coffee in Seattle, so far.
But All this time, I thought, and I hoped, that it was called SCRUMPTOWN. That just sounds so much better. It reminds me of that Inside the Actor's Studio SNL sketch. SCRUMPTIALESCENT.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Last night I got high. as high as I've ever been, I think. My friend gave me a pot brownie. I'd never had one before. I'd had some pot cookies a few years ago, but this was different. I was useless. completely useless. giggling with my eyes half closed the whole night. I couldn't really stand up. it was... kind of terrible.

Anyway. I don't know why. but I woke up with Hillary's face on my mind this morning. And I love it. Her face, that is. not the fact that it's there, or even that it exists. But it's there, and I want to hold on to it. I want to hold on to her. I'm thinking about how thin she was, how small. I would hold her against my chest and she would lay her chin there, looking up at me. Smiling. And I feel like I shattered that smile. I know it's not permanent. I know she'll get over it, and part of me doesn't want her to. But that's the way it is-- the way it should be. She should get over me and live a happy gabriel-less life.
But I miss her so much. I'm tempted to call her. I won't, but that temptation is there. that want.
It's there in a big way, actually.
I wish it weren't.

I wish I hadn't've gotten so messed up last night that I couldn't watch SNL.

I wish I were... with Hillary, in my old apartment, in Miami. With our cats.

I miss them.


(this is Frankie, a cat I met yesterday. )

Do I really wish I were there? No. I mean I do, but only right now. The fact is that I like this city. I just wish she were sharing it with me.
I wish I could take her to the place I thought was called Scrumptown, and I wish i could buy her some coffee.

Yesterday was kind of productive. Kind of. I bought comics. I went to the car dealership to show them my paystub, and they finished up some shit so that i can finally get my license plate.

I went to target and bought myself a shaver. Finally i won't be clipping at my beard with my housemate's scissors.
I got an expensive shaver too, so that I can do my head with it. I may go home and put newspaper all over the bathroom so that i can shave my head.
Or maybe I'll just kneel into the toilet.

I wish I had someone with me who would check my head for the spots I miss whilst shaving my own head. I also wish I had someone with me who would do the back of my neck.

Yesterday I also bought this badboy with my sister's BEST BUY giftcard that she got me for christmas:


This is, I think, all I've got. I don't feel so good today.