gayballs

Good Morning.
5:48AM and I've been up for over two hours.

Last night after a few beers I passed out during an episode of Battlestar Galactica.
You know what I hate?
When I pass out watching television with other people and what wakes me is that same television. Like... how LOUD it is. My girlfriend and I watch TV SUPER GODDAMN LOUD. And it isn't until it wakes you from a beer-induced coma that you realize how goddamn fucking loud it is.
Starbuck was being yelled at, presumably by her abusive mother, presumably in flashback. Or in one of those Six Feet Under-type talking to the dead moments.
I said (slurred, more like) "I don know whass goin on now so I'm goin to bed." And I did.
Goodnight.



Baci and Cecilia both seem to have left the site. They were both favorites of mine.



Baci always blogged about anime and geeking out and whateverthefuck, and Cecilia is among the best looking women I've ever seen. In my life.

And they're gone. And there's some weird drama going on.
And I don't know anything about it.


I finished a book yesterday, Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan. It was loaned to me by LadyKatharine, or LadyCakes, as she is now known, when I dropped into her place a couple of weeks ago.


It was okay.
Yeah, just OKAY.
I mean, I liked it, some of it, and it made me laugh a little. It's hard for a book to make me laugh out loud (LOL), but this one pulled it off once, maybe twice. But wow, the protagonist is an asshole. Wow. He's funny, but damn if it wasn't hard to read him. Motherfucker. Apathetic to an extreme I hadn't seen since Palahniuk's Choke. I kept hoping he'd die. I wanted him to die.

What's worse is that he reminded me of myself at my worst. I mean, at my worst I'm only a quarter as apathetic as this dude but still, it bugged me.

A friend of mine recently pointed out that I had been 'spiraling' for a good while, and that's really what it is-- me feigning apathy-- hurting myself and other people along the way. And that's what I've been working against with all this gym time and all the effort that I've poured into my girlfriend since I got back. Trying to be a nicer person and trying to be someone I like. But it's so hard, you know? It should be obvious, effortless. But it isn't-- at least not for me it isn't. My grammar sucks, by the way, and I love using "--" too much. Anyway, yeah. Change needs to happen.

ANYWAY, thanks for lending me the book. It'll be in the mail sometime this week. I kind of hated it but it hit me in a hard way when it reminded me of me. Which made me hate it more. But still. that kind of effectiveness is what I look for in a book. I hurt people like that asshole in the book did. I almost lost my job this week. And all of that was borne of apathy. Or some of it, at least.

I watched the original 3:10 to Yuma yesterday and it fucking RULED.


I watched it in anticipation for the re-make, and I was very, VERY happy with it. Glenn Ford fucking RULED. Now I have to seek out the original Elmore Leonard short. I think I may go to Borders today and go through every Leonard book there, see if it's in there somewhere.

Okay. Sleep then gym.
_________________________________________________________________________________
No sleep yet.

Things I've done today (It is now 10:26am):
Beat off (twice!)
Work out for an hour or so-- between the bike and the treadmill it was about half an hour and then I worked my chest until I couldn't move anymore
Had a pastelito de carne
Made a hot new totally flattering SG friend
Went to the grocery store and picked up some food that the girlfriend will not appreciate at all (not that she's a crazy bitch or anything, I just forget what I'm supposed to pick up when I get to the grocery store, and lists are for pussies) and some rolls of toilet paper she definitely will.
Made coffee
Smoked two cigarettes
Made and ate a quesadilla

things to do:
vacuum the apartment
pet the cat
drop off ebay shit at the post office
read book
watch movies

I don't know what it is with me these days but I am HORNY as FUCK.