gayballs

This afternoon we went grocery shopping. I left her alone to go find the easy shit-- peanuts, cereal, half & half-- while she got the shit that I have no clue how to find. Cilantro, coconut milk, some dill and some other stuff to make her own pickles, some other shit there.

As I walked around I noticed the women. A lot.
There was this one girl that had black hair and bright blue eyes and she looked argentinean or something. Her bubble-butt had, in glittery cursive writing, the words 'pink royalty,' on it, though she was dressed in blue. She looked like a stupid refugee but goddamn was she fine.
Then there was this other girl, this thin hippie-looking thing with long brown hair and eyes that matched. She wore sunglasses in her hair as an accessory. She had tan skin that went with her hair and eyes, too. She wore one of those loose fitting paisley numbers.

When I got back to my girlfriend she'd surprised me and picked up the ingredients with which she'll be baking cookies for us this evening while we watch Battlestar Galactica, last night's SNL, or some other such show. She smiled up at me, self-satisfied in having surprised me.
But I wasn't thinking about her while we were apart, I was looking at everyone, all the other women, the whole time. I was amazed I even found the half & half.

Waves of guilt washed over me.

I swear I often wish I wasn't me.